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Withholding

I've never been one to agree with holding out on sex with your SO to punish him, it seems manipulative and immature. However my DH and I have been having some issues that I must admit is affecting my view of him. For the past couple of years he has been increasingly proving himself lazy and unreliable, characteristics I don't particularly find attractive. Combine this with the fact that his laziness has greatly added to my burden, I'm constantly exhausted. So our sex life has taken a nosedive. It seems to be a catch-22, my stress and lacking faith in him (It's not infidelity, I just can't trust him to ever do what he says he's going to do) is killing my interest in the bedroom, but I don't want this to further hurt the marriage. Discussing these core issues seems to get me nowhere. Should I just fake interest to keep things from getting worse or risk him cheating?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:12 AM on Oct. 20, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • I can understand what you mean. When you are tired because you get no help, you get like no interest in having sex. What you need to do is let him know the reason why you don't want too. If he can't understand that then, how can he expect you to understand that he is tired from work and doesn't feel like it? It to me is the same thing. You are tired because of the work you do at home, he might be tired because of the work he does outside the home. Just explain it to him. But, do it in a kind way, not mad. If he can't understand, then I would consider counseling, or some outside help from a prefessional. Not just a friend.
    Freda01

    Answer by Freda01 at 7:42 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • You are right, I don't think withholding sex is going to help. In fact when my Dh is pleased in the bedroom he is more likely to try to please me in other ways (help more with kids, housework ect). Could you two try counceling?
    gcmomx3

    Answer by gcmomx3 at 7:22 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • If you don't feel like doing anything in the bedroom, then don't. If you feel like that more than likely he does too. Also, if you are unhappy, why are you still with him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:24 AM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Girl I understand!! I know that we should not w/ hold sex from our husbands. BUT!!!! I have been withholding for the last month! My husband is very outspoken & his rudeness just has turned me off! I've talked to him about it & told him all the things that have been bothering me about him. I'm still not in the mood to have sex with him. I love him so much but right now I don't like him. You can give your husband all the sex in the world but keeping him motivated to do stuff is hard. I once tried this.. tell him you will give him some if he cleans the living room, etc etc.... see if that works for you! Reward him w/ sex for all the chores he does. I know that sounds childish to some but hey it works, and you get some cleaning from him & hopefully a little pleasure. Hope it all works out!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:50 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

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