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my 4.5 yr old daugher has been raised by my parents since she was 5 months old and now is a spoiled little beast.. how do i break that habit?

She has many issues because of living with them and it has come time for her to return home.. she likes to harass her 2yr old autistic brother until he is too overwhelmed and starts shaking.. They fed her McDonalds instead of cooking and now she yells because we dont run out and get them for her.. She has been spoiled with any toy or thing she wanted and refuses to share.. She thinks she is a literal princess and that we must do as she says.. i think i may be over my head,, i have got her into counseling and she is starting school in a few days and i am worried..

please help..

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Asked by dizzy_kartajian at 6:14 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 4 (50 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I would pick certain rules and really stick to those. Look at it from her point of view, if everything changes all at once it is very hard to deal with, even as an adult. Try to find ways to incorporate some of the things she is used to having so she doesn't feel everything changed. Maybe slowly cut back on McDonald's instead of cut it off drastically.  Also find some new fun traditions that she only shares with you.  Good Luck.


    Answer by RyansMom001 at 6:36 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • the McDonalds thing is a serious problem.. she demands it at all meals, every meal.. her dr has gotten after my parents about her weight issues.. we go out about once a month as a treat for the whole family.. try new places and new foods.. but she is expecting this every night..

    Comment by dizzy_kartajian (original poster) at 7:02 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Stand your ground, let her scream & cry, sooner or later she'll stop. Dont give in. Set the rules & don't back down. Punish her if shes not following the rules..

    But also if shes been good, a trip to McDonald's isn't going to kill her.... =)

    Answer by lilmoosesmom at 7:02 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Choose your battles, McDonald's is one I would pick personally. I've seen kids who were fed fast food on a regular basis. Not a good end result. That being said, occasionally going I see nothing wrong with. But only as a treat! They won't run off all that. Being mean or harmful to her brother is another. When my dd throws a fit I send her to her room and let her know that I'm not going to listen to it and she can come back out when she calms down.
    As a child I was raised by my grandparents, When I would go stay with my mom, I would eventually get in trouble and cry to my grandparents, who would drop everything and come get me. This was not a good thing. They should have sorted out if I was really going to stay with my mom or not. If I was going to stay they should have left me instead of comming and getting me every time.

    Answer by Sarasmoonflower at 7:07 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • She may be a little spoiled but her life has been turned upside down. Let's face it, probably no fun to go from having it all to having to be good cause of a little brother. Think about it, mcdonals is what is familiar to her. Her comfort food. She may not be the only one who needs counseling. You may want to be a little more empathetic toward her and compromise and say well have mcdonalds once a week cause I know you like it. Try a little TLC instead of calling her a beast. She is probably very insecure now. Good luck.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 7:18 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • i know there are worse things out there than fast food.. and for the note i am in counseling.. SO and i both have been diagnosed aspergers.. there is nothing little to the spoiling i am talking about.. if i break down and give her a happy meal.. she wins.. it means that she will treat us like she does them.. other there she has gotten violent because no on would go get her the happy meal.. i dont have to bargain with a 4.5 yr old.. her doctor says she is supposed to be on a diet and Mcdonalds isnt on the list...

    Comment by dizzy_kartajian (original poster) at 7:50 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Not just the mcdonalds. You honsetly cannot see why else she may behave this way. She may not understand why she had to move from people who cared about what she wanted to you. She may think you don't care about her. A little tlc will go far. No you don't have to bargain but you should show kindness, understanding and LOVE. I think you may be neglecting her emotional needs...

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 8:09 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • YUP, you are apparently expecting an aweful lot here. sorry but she was raised by others and NOW you have her with you. there is more here than being spoiled. her home, environment, everything has changed. I think you BOTH should be in counceling. not just her.

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 8:26 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • She has been raised by your parents so they were free to raise her how they wanted. Now you want to have her back and expect her to just immediately do as you say and follow your rules. Stop the name calling, stop favoring the brother over her because of his condition and spend as much one on one time with her as you can. Explain to her that you are going to be caring for her now and that some rules may be changing but that you love her and will be adjusting as a mom, too. She is old enough to understand that you BOTH are adjusting, you are BOTH feeling a little scared and that it is going to take time to get settled. Explain to her what is going on with her brother so she understands that he is not like her, that he has special needs and why. Tell her it's not that you love him more, etc, just that he might need special attention at times. Sit down in a quiet spot and talk to her, not at her. Hug her. Listen to her. Be a mom.

    Answer by khedy at 9:38 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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