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I feel like the way my husband is treating me is turning me into a "cold" person how can I keep this from happening?

I need some advice ladies, my husband has become very selfish ever since we got married and its become even worse since we had a baby (who is 9 months old now). He says he cares and loves me, but he treats me like he doesn't at all. I do everything but mow the yard at our house, but have even done that a couple times here recently too. When I talk to him about it, he either gets upset and apologizes for it, says he'll try and do better OR he gets upset with me. When he gets upset with me, he turns it around that i am selfish and want to control him. I dont want to control him and dont try to, but I do want to feel important to him and feel loved/cared for.....any advice?

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HuntersMom25

Asked by HuntersMom25 at 7:32 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 15 (1,979 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • no..but i feel ya. sometimes i feel like running away. I should know how to handle things from previous relationships but i'm beginning to think maybe the problem is me. IDK.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:41 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • It sounds like you need to have a sit down talk. Start with determining why he isn't helping as much as he used to. It may be that he feels that the baby is taking up so much of your time that he feels left out.

    Don't go into it accusing him of not doing anything. Maybe you need to start a date night where you leave the baby for awhile with someone. This doesn't have to be at night either...it could be going out for lunch, just something that you do together without the baby. That alone may be enough for him to want to help out. If he sees that you are trying to spend time with him (without the baby) he may start feeling more loved and in return will show more love.

    It could come down to him feeling the same way as you do and he only hears how he isn't helping enough. Give him some reason to help...ie. getting the cleaning done means that you spend more time together rather than you doing all the work.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 7:42 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • ..i would never run away. but i just want to be by myself sometimes..just go for a long drive and go hide under a tree in a forest and fall asleep and maybe return just before bed time
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 7:42 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Read the book Love and Respect. It talks about these things.
    bjane01

    Answer by bjane01 at 7:47 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I had this exact same problem. It HURTS! I was really starting to resent my husband. That was not healthy for me and certainly wasn't healthy for him.Then I joined a MOMS Club in my area (momsclub.org). For me, it was about taking the emphasis off of DH and our house and having some relationships with new friends. Being a SAHM can be terribly isolating if we don't do something to protect ourselves. The problems can get magnified because we have all day to ruminate over them. I started getting out and about, and If things (the house) weren't done when DH got home, "oh well, son sure had fun today with the other kids." (cont)
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:35 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • (cont) We did this a few times a week and it made all the difference in the world for me. It took the pressure off of DH to have to be my end all, be all. As it turns out, he didn't even realize he was being cold, he was just feeling pressure at work (really tough job) and he didn't want to burden me or make me worry. Turns out he was protecting me, not shutting me out. The last place he needed to feel pressure was the place that's supposed to be his haven, from me in our home. Maybe something like this would help you? I sure hope so, because being hurt all the time is not good for you or your family. Hang in there!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 8:39 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • In my experience, men tend to thnk that going to work is doing their part. Try and get him to help out, but don't stress about it, it will only push him away. Maybe his job is really demanding. I agree that finding other sources of entertainment will help. I am in the same position. I have 3 kids, and my husbnad works 12-14 hours a day. I do EVERYTHING at home, and sometimes it is annoying. However, it does give me control of my house and what happens in it, to a certain extent.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 8:54 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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