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If you have relationship problems with your step children, how do you fix the problems?

I have a 17 year old step son that I have been with since he was 9. Him and I don't see eye to eye most times. His (real mom) has never been around and doesn't care for him at all. I try to show him the love I have for him. But he always pushes me away and pretty much thinks I am evil. He has gone as far to tell family members he has never liked me.

What do I do?

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Alysa505

Asked by Alysa505 at 8:08 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 9 (311 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • ..you can't make someone like you. maybe quit trying so hard. i had to go through that with my exs kids. When we didnt see eye to eye and i would punish them and they would cry about it..i would say "okay..you can do what i tell you OR i can tell your dad about this when he gets home and i'm sure his punishment will be much harder than mine"...however, you are dealing with a 17 yr old. He is almost an adult..maybe its time to start treating him like an adult instead of a child and he will aprreciate you more
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:12 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Honestly, if it were me, I would just treat him the same as I did anyone else of that age. Set the same limitations and have the same expectations that I would of my own children. If his Mom is not a part of his life, you are the only female role model he has. Keep trying to reach out to him and show him that you love him and are there for him. Set realistic expectations, and the same consequences you would if he were your natural child.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:13 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Just be patient and keep showing him love and patience. He WILL come around, I eventually came around to my step mom and I really regret it sometimes that I constantly pushed away. She married my dad when I was 10 and she died on my 21st birthday.
    Teenagers are just so hormonal and angry in general, then on top of that his biological mother isn't involved in his life and he's probably angry about that.
    Man... being a teenager sucked! LOL
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 8:14 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • well i am a step child...the new parent (you) will never be the same as a real blood parent. when things get rough, he will say "your not my mother!" (maybe) but thats the way me and my sister grew up. we saw our dad once in a great while, tryed to do visits but that ended when his relationship ended with his GF. my step dad was always a better dad, and always will be, since your son is still in his teen years, he wont see a whole lot of what you do for him or what you give him, it will take until his adult years for him to realize that you were always there for him and sheltered him when needed.

    nobody likes change when thier parents re-marry though, the kids have a real hard time accepting that. you will always be treated like your just a stranger until he realizes you did more then his mom always did for him.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 8:20 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Disengage. You can't force someone to like you, and you will make the situation worse if you push. Treat him as a guest in your home - be polite and respectful, and expect the same from him.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 8:28 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • The thing is he doesn't live with us anymore. He said he didn't like mine and dads rules so he moved in with his grandmother that does everything for him. Cooks for him, does his laundry, gives him money for gas for his truck, and lets him take advantage of her. And the only time we see him is when he wants something. That isn't fare to me emotionally.

    I feel one of the reasons he doesn't like me is because I know the game he is trying to play with me because I too had several different step parents. So this makes him mad when I don't play along!
    Alysa505

    Comment by Alysa505 (original poster) at 8:32 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • When my stepson at that age lived with us his Mother was in constant contact with him we had custody of him she had cstody of the other son it is hard and you aren't his mother but what I would say is set the ground rules and make sure your husband is backing you up on these rules it has to be BOTH of you. You can't make him like you but I can tell you in time they do most of them come around. I have him now introduce us as his family he says these are my parents.
    I would stay consistant with him not faltering in any way just like you would a small child and maybe just not try so hard when he figures out that you aren't evil things will get better. GL!
    Moms_Angels1960

    Answer by Moms_Angels1960 at 8:37 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • there is alot of people out there that have contact with others ONLY based on if they need/want something, since he is getting into his adult years, i would make sure you dont give into that game of his and sounds like your smart enough to do so. it is up to him to use people like that. Hope this is not the way he turns out to be, using people. people will catch on and you wont be the only person that he will have these feelings toward. i wouldnt give into his game just to get him to like me.

    his dad really needs to step up to the dad plate and do something cause using grandma like that is wrong.
    americansugar80

    Answer by americansugar80 at 9:22 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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