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3 Bumps

have you ever given your husband an ultimatum?

What was it over? what was the outcome?

Answer Question
 
shay1130

Asked by shay1130 at 8:08 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • never and i never shall - and one little word of advice - NEVER but NEVER mention the word "divorce" - that will only plant something in his mind that he hasn't thought about yet...... this was advice given to me - and i have taken it - we are married 46 happy years - all 46 of them have been happy..
    kaysimon132461

    Answer by kaysimon132461 at 8:10 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I think ultimatums are in general not right in marriages. however with that said there are times where possibly tough love is called for and if a spouse is neglecting themselves ie depression and not seeking treatment, doing drugs or boozing hard, etc. that the other partner has a right to set limits on what they will and will not acccept and what the consequences will be. my husband has struggled with depression and some attitude issues for a couple years. this last few months got REALLY BAD. and he stopped doing anything about it, IE seeing a therapist etc. I had to put my foot down and tell him that I would not enable him to do NOTHING about his condition any more. and set a time limit giving him AMPLE amount of time to seek some help. he did thank god.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 8:11 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Before we were married I did. He got out of high school and there was no possibility for college for him and he was not interested. He wanted to join the Marines but at the last minute decided he could go work with his dad at his factory and pursue his "music" career. I told him if that's what he wanted, fine by me, but that was NOT the lifestyle I was willing to lead. I wanted someone with a stable career before I married him and I would have waited 4 years of college before marrying him. He almost decided to break up with me but changed his mind because I'm awesome lol just kidding about being full of myself ;) , but he decided to join the Marines instead. He's now halfway to his Master's thanks to the Marine Corp and he decided what he wanted to go to school for once he did join the Marines.
    marine_wife0520

    Answer by marine_wife0520 at 8:12 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I have never given my husband an ultimatum. He is an adult and needs to make his own decisions.
    However, he does know that there are lifestyle choices that I will not accept, period. Does not mean I am making his decisions for him, just that I am making my own decisions.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 8:15 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • My dh and I have been married for 18 yrs. Very early in our relationship, we had some problems. He didn't have an affair, but he was getting letters from and writing letters to an ex (I know they weren't together physically, btw - because we were literally thousands of miles apart). His letter to her (yes, I read it...), wasn't too bad, but the one I saw from her was pretty bad - she wanted him back. I freaked out and instead of talking to him about it the way I should have, I freaked out and gave him an ultimatum - as soon as he walked in the door, I gave him the letters and yelled it was her or me. He said fine - her. Then went upstairs. I was FURIOUS, and so was he.

    We were going to get divorced because of it, but we did work it out - he admitted that he should have shot her down as soon as he got the letter (she never got his answer), and he didn't want a divorce, but he was so mad that I gave him

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:19 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Yes, twice. Once when he was working too many hours each week and going for drinks with co-workers afterwards. Getting home after the kids and I had gone to bed. So, the kids only saw him on weekends. I told him that is not what I signed up for and it was his decision how we proceeded. I would move out if that's how he wanted to continue. The second, years later, was also related to work and he got on the wrong track again. Each time I thought long and hard about it, had my extended family support set up and knew I might be on my own. it was the way it would have to be as we did not have a true marriage at those low points. It has worked out and we have been together 38 years.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:22 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • cont

    He was so mad that I gave an ultimatum that he responded in anger, because he felt like I wasn't giving him the chance to make the right choice, I was trying to FORCE him to make the choice I wanted.

    We worked it out, and, like I said, we have been married for 18 yrs - 16 of them since that happened - with NO problems in our marriage (yes, we get annoyed with each other, etc - but nothing big or any serious problems) - and we have a great marriage.

    But I would never give an ultimatum in anger, and I would never give an ultimatum at all unless I was absolutely sure I was willing to live with either choice.

    For example - HYPOTHETICAL situation - I would say - calmly - I love you, and I want to be with you, but your drugs / drinking / gambling (or whatever) is a problem, and it's hurting us. As much as I love you, I can't live with this.... Then follow through.

    gl!
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 8:23 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • yes, To finally getting married back in 2000.
    liss05

    Answer by liss05 at 8:24 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Nope.
    sweetyazfl

    Answer by sweetyazfl at 8:37 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • No, but I would if his behavior was hurting our children. He is a pretty good man, and if I air my concerns, he takes them seriously.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 8:45 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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