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i feel so lonely.....please help..

i've talked to my dh about this before and all he ever says is "i work 12 hours a day to keep a roof over our heads"..when he gets home though, he pedals around in the garage..cleaning, messing with cars, maybe mows, fiddling with shit in the yard..every night! How do i get through to him that i NEED his attention! I work too..i take care of my son, its not like i'm sitting around the house all day bored out of my mind. I just would like to spend some time with my husband but i feel like he doesnt make time for me lately! What the hell is wrong with him? I've told him that all that shit after work...the yard, fixtures, etc...i don't care about...life isnt about working and keeping busy 24/7. How do i get to him before i explode..i really dont know what to do!

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shay1130

Asked by shay1130 at 8:30 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 27 (32,809 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I sorry there isn't an easy answer. Find something you like to do and maybe this will encourage him to find things you can do together. You can't change him so work towards something you find fullfilling, take a class, visit a new place near where you live. join a local moms club, book club, ect...
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 8:34 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I understand how you feel. I am in the same situation. My husband works 12-14 hours a day, thencomes home and plays video games, watches TV, or talks on the phone. I am living more than 1000 miles away from any family or friends, and I have 3 kids that I feel like a single mother to. I am losing my mind and am now trying to move back where family is so I can have some support and interaction with someone older than 7. Good luck with this...I know there are tons of women in this position. Maybe you could find some ativities to do with you and your son, so you can meet people and get attention from other sources.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 8:34 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • ok hon, men and women really see things from completely different points of view, they speak almost a different language. you said yourself, he works 12 hours a day. so those things he goes and does are his DOWN TIME. Yes you should get to spend time with him too. Why not tell him how much you miss him, miss feeling important to him and that you would like a date night?
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 8:36 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I would go find something else to do. Tell him you give up. You can't force him. I would stop waiting for him to do it and just find stuff to do. Go to the gym, womens groups, cooking class, dance class, gymboree with your son, etc. Take care of yourself! If he won't give you attention, YOU give you attention.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 8:39 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I agree with everyone about the getting out, it can be so hard though when yah have 3 children, but find a way, through a family member who you can visit, or one who can take the kids, or a friend. I think the more you get out and start to be more independent the more he will desire to be with you. head strong women drive men wild, but not to strong, as in nagging..... Men can't stand to be nagged. That will create a wall for sure and the more yah nag the more it will push him away. I hope it works out for you!
    sweetmum4

    Answer by sweetmum4 at 8:46 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Give him the room he is asking for. It is so important for all of us to have our space, so consider hiring a sitter or doing something on your own and leaving your son with husband...just be sure to give him a day or two heads up and keep it positive. Speaking of hiring a sitter, sounds like you two need a date night! Once a week, once a month, whatever works. I know sitters can be hard to find but I guarantee you know someone who knows a teenager just dying to make some extra cash or a grandmotherly type with a few hours to spare. Good luck!
    BluDog

    Answer by BluDog at 9:01 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • my MIL kept my son the entire weekend last weekend. friday, sat, and sunday. of course i had to work a few hours through the morning..and he had to work fri and sat..but we were childless. He came home and cut the grass and was "too tired" for sex. Sunday he got up and started messing around in the garage....then my inlaws brought my son home around 3. i just don't know what to do anymore
    shay1130

    Comment by shay1130 (original poster) at 9:10 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Me and Dustin do things this way. He works 8 to 5 monday - friday. And when he gets home he relaxes for a lil while and then he goes outside and will tinker with an engine that he is wanting to put in his camaro to get it back on the road. I do not mind that I think it is fun. Or we will do things for friends and or family. But in the middle of that he will hug me or kiss me to let me know that he knows I am there. The thing about it is, I may not like the things he is doing outside but I am there beside him and I participate in what he is doing. That is reassuring to him. That I am just out there. When he is underneath a car I want to be but I am pregnant so I cant. He knows that and we just have an understanding like that. Bottom line is that when your dh is outside doing something go out there and see what lil things you can do to help out. watch his reaction. It will all work out. Just dont get mad or show boredom.
    courtneyrogers

    Answer by courtneyrogers at 9:27 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • shay
    breath deep
    first be happy he is working hard AND working sround the house
    this is how many many men show that they are responsible men taking care of their loved ones
    now...for your need to connect with him..great idea! real importnant, hard to find time with work, work around house and of course kids do take some time and effort
    you have to find a sitter, and go outside the house with him
    if this is not an option, then it has be be time when kids are asleep, even though both of you are beat and want nothing more than to sleep, have some coffee at 5pm, and take a big cup out to him in the garage- tell him you have plans for him after the kids are aslepp..then give him a little spank on his butt with a wink or something, let him know you want him and need him
    also, tell him that you are proud of him how he works to provide well for his family-MEN NEED TO HEAR THIS
    he's not ignoring you, he is providing & loving u
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 9:57 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • i think you should try to go out and have fun with the kid keep your selve busy with and him and when he comes home and he dont see you their for a couple of days he will start missing you guys and want to to spend time with you guys cause he will probably be afraid of losing ya
    SHYMILLENIUM

    Answer by SHYMILLENIUM at 11:46 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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