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Need some relationship/Kid advice

Kinda Long...sorry,
K so hubby dated a girl before me that had a daughter. He basically became her dad for the 2 years they were together. Her mom is NEVER without a man, but he was the first guy that treated her daughter well. So they were attached. Her dad is now back in the picture has been since we got together 3 years ago. But he still talks to his ex not as much as he used to becuase it bothered me.Well somehow he told her that we would come visit. and managed to inform her that she could come play wtih our kids. Now shes 10 our kids are almost 2 and 5 months! so no real play mate.
He has brought it up again and asked me (which I apreciate) if he can go get her. They live like 30 minutes away. and im just fed up with it. the girls mom has caused so much drama in the begining that its STILL a sorespot. and no i dont want to take it out on the little girl, but hes not her dad, and the mom is moving another guy in..IDK

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:12 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • I'm in a very similar situation. My Hubby was married before to a woman who was pregnant when he met her. He raised the child until they got divorced and then the woman took of and refused to let him see the child anymore claiming "it would be to hard on her" Selfish of her i know but anyhow, he went almost 4 years without seeing the child until out of the blue she pops up on face book asking to befriend him. They live in another state but my husband talks to the now 11 year old boy weekly. Most people have told me i am crazy for letting him talk to his ex wife but i'm fine with it. I know how important that little boy is to him (like he was his own) and how important my husband is to the boy, even if his mother is remarried.

    This seems like it is really important to your hubby and this little girl, can't you let what seems like petty jelousy go if it makes both of them happy and isn't harming you?
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 10:23 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Honestly, if the two of them formed a father / daughter relationship early in this little girls life, I feel like you are wrong to try and come between them. It is obvious your DH cares about that little girl, why would you want to try and stop him from seeing her?
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 10:15 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I think that if she feels like your DH is her dad, you should not try to stop that. Regardless that he's not the biological father makes no difference to her feelings. I would encourage that connection.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:18 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I would ask him if he can at least treat it like a divorced relationship & not talk & hang out with his ex. I would not want his ex in the house, but her DD I would not mind so much. Kids are innocent. But, i would ask him to keep a distance with her mother & treat the situation as if they are divorced with a child.
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:21 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I know it is difficult but they have formed a bond and if he walks out of her life it will really hurt the girl. My daughter loves her stepdad and even though we are separated he picks her up, calls her on the phone and treats her like his own. Even though we have children together, he treats my daughter like she is his.

    If he ever walked away from her, even if her sperm donor (father wanna bes) got involved, that would break her heart. Are you upset because she is not blood related? Do you think he will cheat? You have to look at the whole picture and see what the root of the problem is. He sounds like a good man and you should respect him as a man and let him be there for her, if he choose to be.

    Put your kids in her shoes, he is probably the only stable person in her life. It is hard to deal with but try to bring positive in her life, not think of the mom. It is not always there fault and hey. Best of luck!
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 10:24 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • CONT. So what would you do? Woud you tell him that its time for there friendship to be over and both our families split...let him go get her?! WHAT would you do!?!?!?!? Thanks. And yes this is a sore spot for me, i know how the little girl feels. im not a monster!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:13 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I would go with him to pick the little girl up. Women can be so sneaky sometimes. Also he should kinda taper these visits off some. Once every 3 months, then every 6, then maybe Christmas or birthday or something. She is getting a bit old to have a close, older male friend.
    This is why single moms should be more careful who they bring around their kids! It is not the little girls fault but it is hard to not make her feel that way.
    treynlisa

    Answer by treynlisa at 10:22 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? If it was your daughter?....... why are women, like you, so insecure about themselves that they take it out on the kids. This is your insecurity, not his or hers. I bet you were all for their relationship when you all first got together. And now that you have your own kids, you want it to end. And you try to blame it on the mother, not the girl. Someone should be a father figure to this girl!! She loves your husband and He loves her. He thinks of her as his daughter, so your kids are her siblings. And it doesn't matter the age, my oldest is 9 & 11 yrs older than his brothers, siblings should still have a bond. This is why women should think before they get into a relationship with a person that has children from a previous relationship. (Blood or Not!) Trust me you are not alone, I know other women that claim the same thing. And I claim it is Insecurity!!
    eluc

    Answer by eluc at 10:24 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You all have valid points, the daughter although she is a brat is not the issue, i have babysat her twice since weve been together, took her bowling and all with a younger cousin that is her age. Its more the entire situation. The issues with her mother. They were together for 2 years. and my emotions are all over the place with this. I had no problem with him talking to her AT ALL! he called her weekly when we first got together. Her mom taperd that off because it was getting to be too much.

    My issues are from lies, crap im not over. Its not against the little girl She doesnt ask to see him often. But how is she at that young age going to be comfortable with any other guy if shes stuck on him? IDK I dont know how to make this sound like i mean it typing.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • And shes never seen my kids, he hasnt seen her in that long....thats why idk where this all came from!? Its just so random i dont know what to expect or when to expect it!?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

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