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3 Bumps

Soon to be grandmother at the age of 30

My 19 years old step son and his girlfriend (in which I care lil for) is going to have a baby together. My son graduated highschool last year and has signed up for the army. The girlfriend doesnt want him to go nor does she even want him to work because she is very insecure. My husband and I are not very happy about him getting her pregnant after all the speeches we had with all of our children. How do we cope with this prob?

Answer Question
 
Alysa505

Asked by Alysa505 at 11:03 AM on Sep. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 9 (311 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • You really don't have a choice. Just hope that they grow up into good parents and support them as much as you can (not meaning financially)
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 11:07 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You just support him and the decisions he makes... try not to TELL him what to do and let him know that you guys are there for him!
    kamore

    Answer by kamore at 11:07 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You start thinking about what you can do to support this new, young family.
    UpSheRises

    Answer by UpSheRises at 11:13 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Just love him (and her) lots. The time for speeches and judgement is over. God's plans are rarely our own. Both of them need your support over anything else.

    She is who HE chose, and he will have to deal with the consequences (even if he decides later this was a really bad idea). Your job is to love them and the family they are creating. So what if it "shouldabeen" later, and "shouldabeen" with somebody YOU liked? Let them both understand that he has to followthrough with the decisions he has made, including the military. Of course she is insecure. Her world just shifted and she feels lonely and afraid. Having your support of both of them will help her deal with the inevitability of his career choices. SHE needs YOU, and HE will notice that your acceptance and support are an expression of your love for him.

    Congratulations of becoming a grandma! Enjoy the hell out of it!!!!
    WyndenSkie

    Answer by WyndenSkie at 11:15 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I think you have to start letting it be THEIR problem more than it is YOUR problem. You need to step back and let them face their reality. They will figure it out if you step back and let them do that. If you find yourself trying to tell them what they need to do, try to hold back and only give advice when it's asked for. In fact, if/when they come to you try not to feed them all the answers, but rather ask questions like, "what do you think your options are?" and "How do you think you can accomplish that?" If they are still stumbling for ideas you can throw out some ideas, but don't try to push for the ones you prefer.
    TweenAndTwinMom

    Answer by TweenAndTwinMom at 11:19 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • If he still listens to you, about the only thing you can do is keep giving him your advice. Don't yell and try not to preach. ( which I have the tendency to do ) Tell him babies cost money, lots of money! He has to do whatever he thinks is best for the whole situation. Let him know she isn't thinking mature, in a nice way that is...lol. Then if he makes the RIGHT choices help him any way you can. When are kids are that age it is so hard we teach them what is right and wrong. When they are good kids and they do the wrong we are shocked. It's so hard because they are just over being a child and now considered an adult. Most at 18 or 19 are not ready to take that roll. I know how you feel momma. I have been there and done that and still am doing it! If you believe in Prayer, lots of that will help you.

    Janet

    Answer by Janet at 11:37 AM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You really dont got much of a choice you just got to deal with it
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 4:29 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

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