Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

5 Bumps

Just Don't say it!

I thought this advice was great and something we all need to be sensitive to!

Answer Question

Asked by ria7 at 12:52 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Adoption

Level 23 (15,224 Credits)
Answers (22)


    Comment by ria7 (original poster) at 12:52 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • That question doesn't deserve an answer. 


    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:55 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 12:56 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • The first thing I noticed was the question "what do you see when you look at this picture?" Well, honestly what I noticed was a very happy daddy and a anxious looking child with a frown on his face. Not that I'm implying all adoptees go around frowning, just that if he was going to ask that question he could have picked a better photo. The second thing I noticed was that he listed not what to ask. What would have been more useful would be, how to answer.

    Answer by onethentwins at 1:03 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Oh, you have no idea!! How freakin rude people are! The sad thing is my son is white with blonde hair like my hubby. So we don't get many comments but it is unbelieveable. I remember when I was in school kids would say that my REAL mom didn't love me and that's why they gave me away....what????

    Answer by coolchic320 at 1:22 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • OTT-

    Actually, as an a-parent to an internationally adopted child, I think he nit the nail on the head. People ask incredibly rude and insensitive questions in front of children quite often. His explanations are the way most people do answer them...WHY does he have to tell others how to answer those queries? Parents need to answer them appropriately for the situation...
    I was asked " what is she?" one day...Really?? She was 17 months old and didn't understand the question, but now at almost 5 she gets it very well. My dd is not stupid. I do answer nicely...until my dd is upset and then I may not be as nice and subtle in my answers.
    We shouldn't be asked these things or told these things..we are just like biological parents in that we deserve to raise our children without misconceptions and stereotyping. Why do people lack a filter when it comes to adoption? FTR- I'm an a-mom and have a bio dd as well...

    Answer by mcginnisc at 1:30 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • onethentwins, I do not think they should be asking him anything at all. How do they even know the child was adopted?? For all they know his wife could be of that decent. I have an Asian friend whom is married to a Caucasian Man and they have a biological child. Whenever Dad takes him out alone people ask him all the time where he is from! It is just bad taste and rude. I gues they could say how beautiful or adorable he is and how great it is that daddy and son are spending time together...all these obnoxious questions are just like asking a heavyset woman whether she is preganant and when she is's ignorant and inconsiderate....think before you talk..isnt' that what we teach our kids??

    Answer by coolchic320 at 1:42 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • well any question that points out any child is not "the average kid" at least according to the questioner is wrong.Anything that makes a child feel uncomfortable shouldn't be asked.My 12 year old has very good friend that is short really short; he had a kidney transplant as a toddler and his meds stunt his stature but not his brain.We have been places and I have been asked about his moon face,due to meds,and how short he is in front of him.I just say excuse me depending on the attitude then ignore.All these type of questions are rude and insensitive.


    Answer by drfink at 1:46 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Dr. Fink, you are so right!

    Answer by ARgal at 3:03 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Yay drfink! So true, anything that would make a child feel uncomfortable is very inappropriate. Last week a woman actually sat down in the booth, univited, and asked my husband questions in rapid machine gun fire. Is he adopted? Do you have biological children at home? Do you ever plan to have biological children? Are you going to adopt again? And so many others. He was caught off guard and really thrown for a loop she sat down with them. I mean actually just sat her fat butt right on down. My son is trained to say that he does not feel comfortable answering those personal questions and to ask his daddy or mommy. It is not their right to know my child's personal and private information. That belongs to him. His father and I are the guardians of his information. How rude that people think they have the right to know. We are caught between a rock and a hard place. Adoption is a normal way to expand a family.

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:39 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.