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3 Bumps

How can I get my fiance to act more like an adult an less like a child?

He plays with action figures by himself...He also throws a fit like a child would do if he doesn't get what he wants...He always exspects everything to be done by me he never does anything at all but play on the computer play with his action figure and those aren't my sons those are actually his from when he was a kid he still plays with them every other day...I sueriously think his mother did some damage to him by malesting him that he can't grow up...I have asked him to go to a counslor with me but he says he doesn't have a probleme I don't want to force it but I feel like i'm raising a 3rd child. Please I need good advice HELP. And plz don't be rude.

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jessesmama22

Asked by jessesmama22 at 12:54 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,311 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Honestly, if he won't go to counseling, I would not stay with him if I were you.
    mommy11260

    Answer by mommy11260 at 12:58 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You can't!! If you can't accept that he will be the exact same way after you get married I would suggest putting off the wedding. He is not going to change just because he gets married.
    skittles1108

    Answer by skittles1108 at 1:00 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Skittles is right.

    You can't do it. You can't make him "grow up". You can't make him deal with any issues he may or may not have. You can not make him seek help. You can't make him behave/act the way you feel he should or in a manner that you are more comfortable with..etc..etc.. he and only HE can make the choice to do those things. We all have our demons, no one can make us confront them, we have to make the choice to do so ourselves.

    Saying "I DO" will not change these things. Will not suddenly make him change.. So getting married will not make it any better, it would in all honesty make the situation worse at this point. Beecause you would most likely be miserable, wanting him to change, and he's not going to want to because after marriage... he would have found (even if it's just in his own mind) comfort, security, love,..etc..

    Think long and hard before continueing on with your marriage plans.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 1:09 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Honestly I would postpone the wedding and NOT marry him-- at this time. I would sit him down and have a heart to heart talk with him and let him know that things have to change or the wedding is off. I would tell him that if he wants the relationship to continue and the marriage to take place he needs to grow up (stop throwing fits like a child), start taking responsibility, start helping out (no computer and playing action figures all day), and attend counseling. If he refuses to do any of the above then I would call it quits and walk away.
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 2:30 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Accept him for the way he is..He won't change
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 2:34 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You cannot force someone to grow up. Honestly it doesn't sound like he's ready for a relationship let alone a marriage. I would end the relationship.
    gulfcoastmom4

    Answer by gulfcoastmom4 at 2:42 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • You can't. You can only control how you act, not what others do. If he won't go to counseling or attempt to change, there is nothing you can do about it and it might be time to move on.
    frat_twin_mama

    Answer by frat_twin_mama at 3:23 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

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