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Is it my fault my husband doesnt want more children?

I always felt the closest to my husband when we were trying to conceive. The third was an accident. He decided after two he was done. My heart is broken that he doesnt want more and the third baby is really taking its toll on our marriage because I know he really doesnt want another one. I do. But I feel alone in this 3rd pregnancy. Im heartbroken and feel guilty that maybe if I was a better mom and wife he would want more. I dont know if Ill be ready to stop after the 3rd. I wasnt ready after the 2nd. I was pretty much forced to sign a consent form to have a tubal done and it failed. Thats how we are having the third. Before our first was born he told me that a baby would only bring us closer together. When he said that, I was sure that our marriage was real. But now that he has changed and doesnt understand the emotional toll it has taken on me, I feel like Im alone. I feel like he would be happier without us.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:14 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Maybe you need to take a closer look at why you don't feel satisfied with what you have and why you feel you MUST have more children. Maybe you are trying to fill a hole with in yourself with the love of your kids. I would suggest counseling for yourself and for you as a couple as well.
    karamille

    Answer by karamille at 3:18 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • It is not him,it is u!!! U need counseling!! U should be satisfied with what u have and stop wanting more!!!
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 3:21 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I wanted 1 more too but my DH said no. So I asked him why and now I understand he is 11 years older then me and he had a heartattack 19 months ago and he is afraid he might not be around to help if we have another one. So I respect his answer he worryes that we can't aford it to . And today no ones job is secure so that's another reason.
    bubasmom04

    Answer by bubasmom04 at 3:29 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • His want or lack of want to have more children, or even the third you're pregnant with, has nothing to do with you as a wife or mother. That's on him and it's him who is having an issuse. whatever that may be. you need to find out the reason behind him not wanting more and figure out why he's distanced himself from this third pregnancy.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:36 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • wow, why doesn't he want more kids? Is it a financial reason or does he feel that he is too old??? Regardless, it will be HIS child and he should be happy. Did he tell you why he feels this way????????????????? I am so sorry for you, that is NOT fair!


     

    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 4:00 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I have recieved some really great answers and one particular answer that I really consider insensitive. Cafe moms is about support and helping out other woman. I love my children and I have a masters in education. I just love kids. I am satisfied with my children but feel like I will know when Im done, and after my second, I just wasnt done. For me the failed tubal was a blessing but is now a strain on our marriage, and I dont know why. He is a good dad but he likes to go out and golf etc. And I guess the more children he has the less he will be able to do those things. I put everything aside, including a career I love to raise my children. I love it. Just wish my husband did as well. I guess, in a way, I feel like he is standing in the way of a happy family here. And I am standing in his way of a happy life. Thats all. I am a very happy content person, we are fortunate. I would love to adopt but that is a no for him too.
    Lucky28373

    Answer by Lucky28373 at 4:10 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

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