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Stepson keeps destroying things his mother gives him or even loans him.

Their relationship was off and on for the first 4-5 years. Then she got court ordered weekend visits. Since then, he has thrown away one sweater she loaned him (not gave), took a pair of scissors to a pair of pants she bought him, wrote all over the book he got from her for his birthday, threw away two scarves she hand knitted and embroidered, and more recently completely destroyed a beetle cast in resin she loaned him for a school assignment. He hasn't really been happy with things the way they are for since she got regular visits, but there is no real reason according to our attorney, for her to not have him. I posted also about my stepson wetting his pants/bed there too. He is only 8, so doesn't really have a firm idea of things just yet. Am I the only one who has experience this? What do we do? We haven't told her a lot of it to spare her feelings, but now we are lost.

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Asked by Mom1Stepmom1 at 3:23 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,498 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I would say there is something more then just him having negative feelings towards the situation. It sounds like he has a lot of resentment, anger, maybe even something more towards his mother or someone else who visits. I would definately look into the situation deeper and try to talk to him. Maybe get him into counseling.

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 3:25 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • We had him in counseling for a while. He developed a lot more issues during the course of his treatment, so we removed him. A lot of those issues have since resolved themselves, but we are looking for a more perhaps reliable, trustworthy counselor for him now. I think the problem before was the counselor. However, we live in a small town with limited opportunities and it is really important to my husband that he not go to the same clinic area that bio mom goes to. Simply because bio mom has told stepson so many horror stories about the counselors there (which are all false) that we think he wouldn't be able to go into in objectively.

    Comment by Mom1Stepmom1 (original poster) at 3:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Unfortunally I can't help you. I agree with the first poster, seems like there's a lot of anger in that child. I would talk to his mother and maybe they could both get some counseling together to improve their relationship.

    Good Luck!

    Answer by mysevenkids at 3:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • My stepson has done the same thing. He has told us, as well as the councelers that he doesn't want to see his mother because his mother walked out of his life for 4 years and he doesn't want anything from her. We have worked with him and talked to him. Mine has even went so far as to catch the house on fire so he wouldn't have to go and see her. This is when the concelers recommended to the attorneys that he not go back until he desides to go, that making him go would only cause more harm. He hasn't gone since earlier this year. Things have been much better with him since. I wish you the best of luck, just wanted to let you know that you were not alone

    Answer by motherof4and2 at 3:39 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Sounds like he might have some sort of reactive attachment issues due to her. Best of luck!

    Answer by Ribuggie at 3:40 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • What is reactive attachment?

    Comment by Mom1Stepmom1 (original poster) at 3:41 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • There are tons of web pages explaining it. If I had more time I could explain it a bit more. Hopefully google can explain it for me :)

    Answer by Ribuggie at 6:31 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

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