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Should I give my children up for adoption because I'm on Assistance?

I work full time and so does my husband and we have two children who are both in school. Due to paycuts and hours cut we are now on assistance to help us get by until our circumstances improve. Some say on cafemom that I am an irresponsible mother and undeserving of my children. That they are paying for my children because we are on assistance (remember that we both work to provide for our family). Am I any less of a person or mother because the economy took a toll on our family financially? Should I have never had children for chance that we would come into financial dificulties? Some of you ladies thinking is honestly wacked so get off of your high horse and understand that not ALL families on assistance are lazy people who don't deserve children! Shit happens and we are making the best of the hand we have been delt.

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Answers (55)
  • I'm sorry you are being judged for being on assistance. That is not right. I too am on assistance. I have my Bachelor's degree, but I can't work right now because I am a high risk pregnancy. My husband is going to school AND working. But we still need the help. I don't think that makes me a bad mother. You are better off than we are, so I'm going to go out on a limb and say that you are a good mother and no one has the right to judge you for the financial hardships that this hard economy has put you in.

    Answer by PhoenixFire at 5:17 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Oh yes you should definately give up your children..

    What kind of shit is this? People are stupid! Dont even enertain their bullshit!

    Answer by tiger_tatted1 at 5:17 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Keep your kids; they would probably take your assistance away if you were suddenly childless.

    Seriously, I was actually told by a caseworker once that I qualified for nothing but if I got pregnant, they could definitely help me out.

    You are working hard, doing the best you can. At least you are doing whatever it takes to provide for your family, even having both of you work. You are an example of the family assistance was designed for; don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

    Best of luck to you!

    Answer by ruthie11617 at 5:18 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Wow- I cant believe someone would really think that way or say that to you. How insensitive. You're right, things do happen. When my boys' dad & I broke up, I moved back in w/ my mom, got govt. asst. & went back to school. After I graduated w/ my BA, I went back into the workforce & haven't looked back. But most of us are a catastrofic (sp?) illness away from being jobless, homeless, & broke. The system works for those that need it, but do not abuse it. Good luck to you and your family.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:18 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • No, assistance is there for those who need it. From what you are saying it was made for people in your situation. People who decide to selfishly start families just because they want to, but do not have the means to support such a family are those at fault. They are the ones straining the system and ruining for families such as yours who need the temporary assistance during hard times.

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 5:19 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • These people are the lazy ones..... They sit at home all day eating bonbons while a nanny taks care of their kids... I guarantee if the tables were turned they wouldn't be able to handle the stress... I also go to school and work nights.... then have to get up with my son 2 hrs after I get home.... it's exhausting, You sound like a great mother to me! Just f*uck what they say, they just want to feel better about themselves and thre only way they can do that is to put others down

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 5:21 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • No you don't need to give your children up. Just block and ignore them that what to be a B***H towards you about it. If you need the assistance then take it and don't be ashamed of it.

    Answer by itsallabtthem84 at 5:22 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Absolutely NOT. You ARE paying into the system as well. It is attitudes like theirs that make me wonder if they have children and if they do, THEY need to be the ones to have them put up for adoption to a family that will not set a bad example for them. YOU are doing the RIGHT thing!

    Answer by MaryWolfe at 5:22 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I'm sorry for your misfortune and for the crappy comments. I was raised by a widowed disabled mother of 3. If it hadn't been for assistance we would have starved. We had very little of anything anyway. Now I make six figures and I have to tell you I don't begrudge a penny of the tax I pay that goes to you and people like you who need help. I'm happy I'm in a position to help you. My wish for you is that your children also go on to be financially successful and have the opportunity to help others out. Whoever suggest your children should be separated from you and/or each other due to financial reasons, in one of the richest countries in the world, should be ashamed of themselves!

    Answer by onethentwins at 5:23 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • Don't be ashamed or embarased about recieving assistance. There is nothing wrong with it. It takes a lot to ask for assistance and they sometimes put you through a lot before giving it. My children are grown now, but I raised them by myself and I don't have a degree in anything. I had to work my way up to making a decent wage and slowly got off assistance all together. It takes time and in this current economy, it may take a little longer. Better to be thankful you are able to get assistance than to worry about what anyone else thinks about it. You are doing the best for your children and working to make things better... keep up the good work!!

    Answer by PopsicleQueen at 5:29 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

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