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How do I get control of my 16yo son?

My son will be 16 next month. He thinks he has life all figured out. Last summer he wanted to move in with my brother but I wouldnt allow it. Today he is going on how life would be so much better if he were on his own and he has so many friends on their own. I dont know what to do. We dont have a lot of money so he dont have it easy no cell phone, no computer, no car or license yet, no ipod, heck we dont even have cable right now so I cant take those things away. He feels if he lives with my brother (who does make good money) he will have things that he doesnt have now. I told him all that does is put MY responsibilities onto my brother just because you dont like being with your own parents, thats not on your own. He just smirked and said SO, Im still on my own and not here. Please help what do I do??

Answer Question

Asked by MeGirl04049 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 23, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 7 (199 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Tell him he wants that stuff. Go get a job. When he gets a job. Tell him you will not be buying anything extra for him any more. Cloths school supplies make him buy it all. Does your brother want your Son at his house? Raising him?


    Answer by louise2 at 5:28 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • It's not easy for some kids who dont get to have what their peers do. But you are not depriving him by any means. He still has a home, food in the fridge, etc. How about if he looks for a job so he can save up for some of the things he wants. And to show him just how good he has it, I would make him volunteer at a soup kitchen, or an orphanage.

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 5:31 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I'd be more curious why he wants to leave? Is it because he doesn't have the luxuries and he thinks by moving out he will?
    There is no reason why at 16 he can't get a job and start attempting to take care of himself. Let him know he can pay you rent rather than a landlord and start paying for his portion of the electricty, maybe talk to your brother and have him offer your son the same deal. It may be that he's looking for more freedom and feels if he doesn't live with you there are no rules.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 9:33 PM on Sep. 23, 2010

  • I also have a 16yr. old boy who thought life was going to be so easy for him.. tell him to get a job and start saving if he wants all this stuff and freedom let him pay rent and maybe even contribute toward groceries i'll tell you once he really has to work for his money he will be a little more wary on how its spent.. he may need to figure out its cheaper to live with mommy then on his own....

    Answer by motherfirefly1 at 10:07 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • tell him he wants to be on his own he needs a job not an uncle,if he wants it bad enough tell him you'll help with apps-interviews-and resumes for after school and weekend work, then help him find a place this summer- theres always the military

    Answer by mare65 at 11:19 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • i asked my 16 year old son about this and he is also 16 going on 17 teen. before he was hanging around with the wrong crowd and felt the same way. he is very smart and talented. we ourselfs do not have alot of money. we do manage to have him a cell phone. at a point he felt like that and we let him stay at his cousins house and he came back, trust me he will miss you and he does love you no matter what he says. he is getting to that age where he NEEDS to learn to be independent. a good way for him to get over these feelings is to encourage him to get a job, and he would be able to get what he wants. he will learn and understand responsibility and know how to manage money.

    Answer by bLuStarr67 at 3:51 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Thank you all so much. This has been very helpful. bLuStarr67, Thank you for mentioning him loving me. I kinda felt like he wants to be away cause he DONT care about us, yet every night he kisses me and says night I love you. I think you are all right and I should encourange him to get a job and offer to help him find one. I did however allready tell him I would give him transportation to and from a job as he doesnt have a lisence yet. My brother would just take him in, his wife spoils david and thats why he likes it there. He has no rules except be in by ten. I dont allow him out after dark in our town (bad area) Buxton has much of my family so thats another reason he likes it there. But I think he likes the no rules, and I recently found out brothers wife allows him to smoke!! She told me herself, I was kinda speechless. I will deffinatly try the ideas you have all given me, and thank you so much for the advice.

    Comment by MeGirl04049 (original poster) at 4:04 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I agree let him get a job and pay rent 1/2 on everything else since he wants to be grown.Let him do what grown folks do lol.

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:57 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Have you husband help you in this. Also, he need to get a job doing something to earn his independence. At least to prove himself to you. Seems he hast a lot energy. He could also direct those energyies in his education in looking forward on what he will do with his life. Tough age!


    Answer by musicmom08 at 11:21 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

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