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Friends one day/fighting the next day??

My son is in first grade and he has a "best friend".Well the past few days he has been coming home from school telling me that his friend is being mean to him,pushing him(my son pushes back)and just today he told me that this friend spit on him! My son was bullied in kindergarten and we are teaching him to defend himself and stand up for himself which it sounds like he is doing.My problem is ~i am friendly with this boy's mother and i have avoided saying anything about her son pushing mine and spitting on him because i feel that the boys have to handle things themselves and in the begining i would mention to her things but of course she believes her son and i believe mine! I feel like if things do not get physical that i should just keep my mouth shut and let the boys handle things(but isn't pushing and spitting physical?)..
Also is it normal for boys this age to be friends one week and enemies the next week?

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momma2albert

Asked by momma2albert at 4:26 PM on Oct. 20, 2008 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (6)
  • I have a daughter who is constantly back and forth with her friends. I don't think it's to the point of pushing and spitting though. Maybe you could find out from your son if there is a reason why his friend is sometimes being mean. It's hard to say because you don't want to cause a rife between you and the other mom, but if it's getting physical it should stop. I would just mention that both the boys seem upset with each other without blaming either one of them. I know it's probably hard and even might end up with a bad outcome, but you don't want you son constantly getting pushed or getting in trouble at school for fighting.
    lilmomma4

    Answer by lilmomma4 at 4:50 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Honestly... that was every day for my kids when they were in school.... It will get better in 11 years.. unfortunately. Some kids are more tenderhearted than others... I had one daughter it bothered and one it didn't.... You might have to find him something to keep his mind off of it.. sports, lesson of some sort... etc.. etc..
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 4:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • "I have avoided saying anything about her son pushing mine and spitting on him because I feel that the boys have to handle things themselves"     You are abandoning your son and validating the other boy's right to be a bully.  Think about that.  Who is more important to you?  The other mom or your son?  If you didn't know this woman what would your reaction be?   I think a little pushing is fairly normal, but spitting is not to be tolerated! (unless it is an accident from talking)  The best friend one week enemy thing the next week is fairly normal for girls, not so much for boys.  While your son does need to stand up for himself, you may need to help him. Maybe you could supervise a few play dates and catch him in the act and talk to the child directly.  Ask the teacher what she has seen.  Don't just leave your kid out there on his own.

    LoveMyDog

    Answer by LoveMyDog at 11:49 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • lol, Talk to the boy's mother, I'm sure she hears about it too from the other way! Together you all might be able to influence a healthy friendship.
    bekabunnie

    Answer by bekabunnie at 11:56 AM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • My youngest has 'on again off again' friends, although the usual result is that he'll tell him he hates them/ to go away and leave him alone.

    He picks up very controlling friends who want to be his bestest buddy in the whole world, and he tries to be tolerant of this until he can't take any more and it all comes out when he can't take anymore. Eg he put up with a little boy jumping up and down, yelling and being obnoxious enough that even I was getting annoyed with the kid, and he finally snapped and told the kid to shut up or else. The kid got emotionally manipulative and told on him for saying shut up, to which I said 'and what were you doing to cause him to say this?' and the kid said 'nothing' which was the farthest thing from the truth.

    I think I would talk to your son about what makes someone a friend, and discontinue play dates with people who do not treat him as he feels he deserves to be treated.
    Kestrel1

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 11:10 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

  • Unless you've seen the dynamic play out, it's hard to make a call sight unseen. I would probably get the kids together for a few hours, with the other mom, long enough to see the point where the 'best behavior' wears off and how they're dealing with each other when they aren't on good terms.

    The little boy that my son has his on again off again with can be very sweet, but high maintenance and annoying as a mosquito. I was ready to tell the kid to shut up before my kid did it.

    The spitting is over the top, but if another kid was hanging on my son, and wouldn't stop - even if it was in affection, when he hit the point that he wanted his own space, I wouldn't put pushing off the list of possibilities.
    Kestrel1

    Answer by Kestrel1 at 11:15 PM on Oct. 23, 2008

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