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Is it wrong that my husband failed to tell me that my step-daughter is pregnant?

Is it wrong that my husband failed to tell me that my step-daughter is pregnant? She is at the tender age of 17 and my husband never bothered to tell me for a whole entire week that she is pregnant and is planning to have an abortion? We are supposed to be able to confide in each other but I am soooo angry because he never told me. Do I have a right to be angry? When I asked him why he didn't share with me, he said he didn't want people talking about his daughter!!! He has always told me what was going on. I am really angry that he did not tell me and then he said he didn't want people to know?!?? I feel like he does not trust me enough to say, babe, don't tell anybody but ... if he thought I would tell!! It seems that whatever is going on with him, I should know and vice-versa especially if it is this serious. Am I wrong?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:44 PM on Oct. 20, 2008 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • i think he is worried people wil think down on him when that shouldn't even be what he is worring about. Abortion is no different than killing a peson that is walking on the street or sleeping in a crib. I dont think she should have an abortion. She shouldn't get the easy way out. Why not give it up for adoption. I would never let my child get an abortion ever. If they are grown up enough to have sex then they should be grown up enough to take care of the end result weather it is adoption or being a mom. I would be Pissssssssssssssssssssssssssed!! so no you are not wrong.

    Answer by bubblebean at 4:56 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Touchy..very touchy...esp if her Mom is in the picture. I really hate saying this but it isn't really your business. Do I think he handled it badly..yeah, esp if you've been in this kids life for a long time. But...being a StepMom is a thankless job...and "it's not your business' is a welll used phrase to them.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 4:49 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • I don't know if its your business or not, but, you are a little pissturbed at this.Maybe he is hurting about whats going on, and you know men. I don't think you have a right to be angry, but, you feel you do, so thats what counts. He may even need support. Will you still give it to him?

    Answer by Kat122 at 4:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • I think I would be really hurt that he couldn't come to me with such a serious matter. I would want to be a sounding board for him. Maybe if you explain to him that you could help look at the situation from another point of veiw without going outside of the family. Remind him that YOU are family.

    Answer by MadeByJade at 5:09 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • i would be upset too but it seems as though he didn't think you'd keep your mouth shut about. he may or may not be right. that was his decision and i think if he felt that was the right one then your angry about something he had every right to withhold. he should be more concerned about what god will think of his daughter getting the abortion and him allowing it. she should be held responsible and deal with what she has done. she could give it up for adoption and not kill the baby to cover up her mistake. that doesn't teach her to be responsible for her actions when your not forced to deal with issues but rather avoid them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • shoutingShe did not ask whats your opinion on abortion, she wanted to know something completely different  that has nothing to do with abortion. I guess you can see now why he didn't want to tell you, he just wanted to hurt by himself, so he wouldn't have people like this to deal with!!!!!!!!!!


    Answer by Anonymous at 5:29 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • i for one would be pissed as hell! it doesnt matter thats its not ur kid, she is still a part of both your lives and if ur going to be married that makes it your business...thats just my opinion though

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:42 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • This is a very personal and private matter for your step-daughter. I won't say it's "none" of your business, but think of the daughter's feelings in this regard. She probably didn't want you to know at all, and is really embarrassed! And your husband may have been trying to respect his daughter's privacy, as least in the beginning. Take a step back and try to see it from their side. I don't think he was deliberately trying to keep secrets from you. And he DID eventually tell you. Putting myself in the same situation (as the step-daughter), if I told my Dad something personal and asked him to keep it in confidence, I would be mad if he ran back and told his wife (who I'm not "that" close to). This is really something that your husband and the girl's mother need to work out, primarily. You shouldn't take it personally and make a fuss about YOUR feelings right now. It's not about you.

    Answer by hopelessnance at 5:47 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • i am a step mom too and it pisses me off when people on here acts like its not our business ..... when my step kids are at our home hubby and me i am the one that cooks and cleans up after them if nothing that goes on with them is my business why should i have to do that....wake up a step mom plays a very important place in a childs life so yes you had every right to know .... tell him he was wrong and that you are hurt.... you sound like a great step mom good luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Oct. 20, 2008

  • Try not to be too upset with your husband. He is probably is major shock and is going thorough many emotions. He needs your love and support right now. Let him know how you feel and that you are there for him. I don't think he meant to shut you out. He may have been in a bit of denial himself.


    Answer by mommiedear at 9:27 PM on Oct. 20, 2008