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2 Bumps

Family or Friends for Christmas? I need help!

I am a military wife. There is a 50-50 chance that my hubby will be deployed for Christmas (again). 3 of my other friends (2 live out of state) are with out their hubbys for Christmas too. We have been planning on all of us and our kids getting together for Christmas at my place. Well, we now live with in driving distance of my DH's family. I honestly didn't think about it until just now. They will probably want to come down whether my DH is deployed or not.... 2 of my friends and their kids are coming for sure whether he is gone or not. We have been planning this for months. My problems are:
1.) If they both come out I don't have the room for all of them. So who do I say "Go get a hotel" to?
2.) His family never gives me much heads up about this sort of thing and will probably tell me last minute so how do I say well to bad I'm busy if I never know if they are coming?
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MizAnn

Asked by MizAnn at 9:19 AM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • 3.) His family will expect us to spend time with them if they do come out but I haven't seen my friends (the ones out of state) for a while and really don't get to see them much so I want to spend as much time as possible with them. SO how do I do that with out being rude?
    MizAnn

    Comment by MizAnn (original poster) at 9:21 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Could you do both? Have your friends come down and visit with your DH family after your friends leave or before? Maybe your DH family could come to your place for a few hours
    Smiley001

    Answer by Smiley001 at 9:23 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • The problem is my friends from out of state will be coming for a week or two to visit. Usually when his family come out they stay for about a week. And they want to take the girls with them EVERYWHERE. Normally I'm all for it but the friends that are coming have kids and they are kids that my DDs really miss. I would like for them all to spend as much time as possible with each other.
    MizAnn

    Comment by MizAnn (original poster) at 9:31 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I'm a "more the merrier" type and I have yet to see the place that couldn't really accomodate a large group (think of those big families that all live in a one-room hut). Sure, people might have to find a spot on the floor, but you could make it happen. Just be honest with everyone about what the conditions will be and those who find it too much for their comfort will get a hotel on their own.

    Since the family usually tells you last minute, in this case I would nudge them a little. Give DH's family a call today and let them know that your friends are coming from out of state. It'll get them thinking about things.

    Have EVERYONE bring food and tell them not to expect overly clean!

    Don't worry about being rude - have a good time with everybody. The family will probably leave early and they aren't likely to feel short-changed if they've been told what to expect ahead of time.
    Dr.Donna

    Answer by Dr.Donna at 9:36 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I'd tell his family that you've had this other planned for months, and since they made plans after yours then they either need to wait or get a hotel. You don't mind them coming but you can't house everyone.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 9:50 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • hobbitswife04- i agree.
    They can't expect you to change your life around last minute for them. If they really wanted to see you they would have made plans earlier.
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 9:58 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Since you already had plans with your friend, and she has the farthest drive, I would definitely ask the family to stay at a hotel. I would go as far as to bring it up now so that there won't be any last minute surprises for them and they can go ahead and get their reservations!
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 10:29 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would talk to your family and find out what their plans are now. Let them know you what your plans are also. I can't see why you can't do both, but you shouldn't have to accomodate everyone at the last minute.
    cherylw993

    Answer by cherylw993 at 11:05 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • We too are a military family and we had this situation with DH's brother who wanted to stay the night while my dad was visiting from out-of-state for two days only. This was planned way in advance and his brother knew but was being persistent and DH handled it really well and politely insisted we couldn't accomodate him. I agree with the other posters about having everyone bring their own food (even your friends) and when your in-laws make their last-minute phone call simply explain they are welcome to come (if that is what you want), but you already have plans, and be up-front and honest about what to expect. Also explain to them that you and your friends have plans with the girls because they don't get to see them often so activities with them may be limited. Be polite, yet firm. If they protest, simply explain you are not out to hurt feelings but need advance notice in the future if they want to visit for holidays.
    1bizzymommy

    Answer by 1bizzymommy at 11:43 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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