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What would you do?

One problem I can figure out how to fix without it back firing on me.
My husband is always running and helping his mom, and two sisters out. He always is cancelling plains with me and our kids to help them. He is not the only person who can help them out. Its not like that. He just the only one that drops everything and runs over there. They are always calling him to do this or that....I am starting to get really mad about this. I don't mind him helping them out but not at the cost of our time (with our kids). Mind you he has 6 days off a month and 5 days he is helping his "family" out while me and his kids are at home waiting. I told him that he needs to be home with us too, but it always starts a fight. Its like he doesn't want to be home with us. When we do talk he always say some remark that makes me feel guilty. Plus, gives a false sorry. Bc once we're done talking it goes right back to the same. What would you do?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:00 AM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • You can make plans on the spur of the moment when he suddenly bails on you. The minute he walks out you can take the kids somewhere special that he would definitely miss out on. For example: if he loves golf, take them to mini-golf. Take pictures and post them where he can see them. Even if you all don't go anywhere that day, just take a picture of you and the kids doing a fun activity. "A picture is worth a thousand words". Perhaps when he sees what he is missing (because he won't be in the pics) he will get it. Another option would be to ask a friend or family member to watch the kids so you can have some time for yourself or make plans with a friend, because you probably need it; we all do. If he asks about coming along, let him know that this time is for you, and he had his chance. Or, the next time he gets ready to leave, you run out the door first, and tell him he is taking the kids with him.
    1bizzymommy

    Answer by 1bizzymommy at 11:19 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • How about you start making plans for things to do with your girls on his days off but don't tell. When you get ready to leave, let him know where you are going.

    Stop including him in them. Maybe he will realize that you are doing stuff with them whether or not he goes, maybe that will trigger him to want to spend more time with you.

    After all, a big motivator for a man is the feeling of being left out.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 10:04 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I have a husband like yours.I tried talking to him, but he says "That is my brother, It is how he is"His brother is a 50 year old baby who can't wipe his own butt.I haven't been able to change it in my house.
    evelynwest

    Answer by evelynwest at 10:03 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Tell him that YOU guys are his family now and you are now the number one priority. Let someone else take a turn. My husband has 4 days off a month and I would be mad if he spent them all helping his dad...that I hate lol.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 10:03 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I'd talk to his mom and tell him how much I fell left out and the kids need dad at home. Appeal to her and if that doesn't work then take a stand and give him a consequence of ignoring his wife and kids.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:10 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Would they still call for help if the whole family went every-time? Or is this a reason for him to leave and go get attention from them? For small tasks. Next time I would pack up and all go. Sit a visit with grandma, or aunt and let the kids have family time.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 10:13 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • he needs some balance
    helping fmaily is nice but with limited time, he needs to balnce more
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 10:16 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • It took awhile for DH to realize that we were now number one in his life, not the rest of his family (fortunately, he realized this before the birth of our son). He actually had the gall to say that to me once, that his family came first, then me. Uh uh. We fought over that big time. He came to his senses however.

    Anyway, I agree with just planning stuff without him. He may need a dose of his own medicine, so to speak. Go do stuff with friends, or your own family, or even on your own.
    thatgirl70

    Answer by thatgirl70 at 11:13 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Stop dancing to his song... You spend your entire time planning around him... Make plans if he wants to participate he will .... if he runs off to mama let him go but don't stop your plans... after a while he will suddenly realize that you can do things without him and he will have to choose...
    kamore

    Answer by kamore at 11:15 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • How long have you been married? maybe you just need to stop him in his tracks and explain how you feel, do not be harsh or critical, explain you need him to care more about those he lives with and if he can't maybe there should be a trial seperation.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 10:51 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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