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21 Bumps

How do you get a lazy husband motivated to help you with household chores?

I've been married along time.And for the most part it has been good.but my husband has become sooooo lazy.and it has become "my job".and when I get really mad he does it then to "Just trying to be nice"(his words).and now my step daughter came to live with us.So now I am cleaning and cooking for 4 people who won't lift a finger.I am tired of getting mad about it.I did lay down the law to the kids and it got a little better.But not with their daddy.How do you get help without getting pissed?And how does it last?

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evelynwest

Asked by evelynwest at 10:00 AM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,667 Credits)
Answers (61)
  • Make a chore list. I have to do that to mu husband when I leave for work.
    Misteh

    Answer by Misteh at 10:02 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Gary Smalley wrote a great book that deals with this. If you like to read, check out his book For Better or For Best. It's a quick read and you can just read the chapters you need.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:02 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would start by cooking and cleaning for 1 - yourself. Tell everyone else they have to plan their cooking and cleaning around you. Set up inconvenient times for them and make them realize what you have been doing for everyone with no respect given to you.

    emerald53197

    Answer by emerald53197 at 10:04 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I get really pissed and fed up, then he gets hoppin
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:05 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • My husband and I have only been married for 3 yrs but he helps a lot. I'm a stay at home mom and he works and goes to school. He gets up with the baby EVERY night and he takes out the trash. We've split the chores i do the upstairs bathroom he does the downstairs bathroom, i load the dishwasher he unloads it. I cook he cleans up. He is ok with it and so am i it works out great for our family.
    AWebber212

    Answer by AWebber212 at 10:05 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Give him a list of things to do that day... my husband once told me that when he tries to do things, like the dishes... I get annoyed because he may not be doing it like I would like. I know that is true, I really would like him to do it my way. :-) He then told me that doing what seems obvious is one thing, but it looks like I have a handle on it. If I were to let him know what I needed from him, then he's happy to do them- and he doesn't have to wonder what my plan is or what exactly I want him to do or how. :-)

    I keep a white board and make everyone their daily to-do list. They do it quite well, actually... and nobody wonders what it is that I want or need.
    HistoryMamaX3

    Answer by HistoryMamaX3 at 10:05 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • In the same position at one point. Not with the kids, mine are too young. My husband refused to help in anyway and when he did it was just to shut me up. I think that with men they think they don't think that have the responsiblity. I worked and came home everyday to a house the was totally messed up. He didn't want to clean. I finially had enough and just stopped cleaning. I would only do what was truly needed. (dishes, garbage, feeding the kids). When the house got messy i just cleared a path to the room i needed to get into by moving all the toys, clothes, and so on...(It did drive me crazy to have a house that dirty) one day my husband came home and started to clean. I asked him what he was doing, he said cleaning. I said but y? thats not your job (nicest way). He said that i needed help since it was getting so bad. LOL...it lasted a month...So, i given up....what the point of fighting/ its gotta get done...
    sharonnacy

    Answer by sharonnacy at 10:08 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I have found with family they tend to do what is important to them. If the chores you want done arnt important to those you are doing them for and are only important to you then step back lower your standards of what they are doing. Cleaning up after themselves is a must but they will only do that with a lot of motivation and talks not fights. If you approach things in a non-aggressive way people tend yo listen more. Just my opinion.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 10:08 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I bribe him. He loves playing world of warcraft with me, and I hate the game, but I'll play with him if he finishes his "chores". LOL Men really are big kids, aren't they? ;)
    pixiestix21

    Answer by pixiestix21 at 10:13 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • withhold the sex you dont clean up u dont get no sex thats what i tell my husband as for the kids you dont cleanup start taking away toys cellphone alloweces things like that go on strikeand dont cook for week
    Renetiny4

    Answer by Renetiny4 at 10:19 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

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