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Ok, I have a complicated one...

SO and I have been together a year and we have been working for the same company for the last 2 months. He says he loves me, we live together and spend a majority of our time together. There is this girl (pretty, blonde, single, skinny, no kids) that SO does a lot of business with. She does a great job for both he and I but they have developed this phone relationship where she talks about her personal life and he just listens. She doesn't know we are together (no one really knows because we try to keep our personal life and work life seperate) . She has even started to call and text him on weekends (we have company cell phones so they have all of our numbers). He does not respond on weekends and yet she still tries to communicate with him. He has admitted he's attracted to her and that they talk on the phone at work and once in a blue moon outside of work. Am I right to feel jealous, or sould I take him at his word that he's


Asked by VanessaMomof2 at 11:09 AM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 18 (5,657 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • I think it it were me I would request that he keep it at work only. It doesn't sound like there's anything going on between them right now, or he'd be answering her text messages on the weekend. But I AM somewhat jealous and possessive of my husband and I wouldn't want him being a shoulder for a woman who is obviously interested in him. For me it's not that I don't trust him, it's that I talk myself into believing things of him that I know are untrue (like he would cheat on me etc) and I don't want to start any crap between us over a skinny blonde bimbo lol.

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:22 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • wow sounds like there might be more going on than you think

    Answer by AWebber212 at 11:11 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Well.. this is complicated.. Because your relationship is secret, you can't be mad at her for trying to get with him(which is what it sounds like to me)..

    If he loves you and wants to marry you, why is your relationship a secret anyway?

    He admitted he is attracted to her.. so I would be a little jealous at him talking to her.. and it sounds to me like it could lead to more than just a friendship..

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 11:16 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I agree with Superrmommy.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:20 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • not going to go there with her and I have nothing to worry about because he is with me and wants to marry me one day.... I don't know what to do, how to react or how to feel.

    Comment by VanessaMomof2 (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I understand the personal life separate from work. BUT if he is talking to someone he does business with about personal stuff and is attracted to her, then why can't he be man enough to tell her he's with you? He is totally in the wrong for having that much contact with her if he's with you. If you are in a relationship it's not appropriate to have personal, long, intimate conversations with the opposite sex like that, especially after admitting he's attracted to her. I'd check this real quick, if something hasn't happened already.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:24 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • We don't exactly keep it a secret, we are just not outward with it (I'm not the pda type and we are both professionals at our jobs so we keep it professional at work). People know, we just don't come out and say it, we feel it irrelevent to talk about our personal lives at work. She knows he has a girlfriend and I've heard him talk to her on the phone, while he didn't know I was listening. It's no different than how he would talk to any other business associate and he rarely got a word in through the whole conversation. She's kind of a chatter box at a bar type (will go on and on about her life when no one really cares).

    The girl is 2 states and 5 hours away, so he thinks I'm crazy for being jealous. I'm not mad at her at all, because she really has no clue that WE are together. I'm don't want to lose him and he tells me i'm not going to and that him being honest should make me feel better and not worse.

    Comment by VanessaMomof2 (original poster) at 11:25 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Jealousy is a multi emotion condition. It sounds like you are experiencing insecurity envy,, apprehension about your relationship status, possessiveness and a tad of resentment in that he hasn't shook her off yet. Addressing your emotions to see what they are and where they come from will go a long way in solving jealousy. Getting a grip on your emotions also helps you discuss your needs. Once you see what and where your needs are not being met, you can do the work of correcting it, be it self work or relationship work.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 11:41 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Even though she is far away does not mean anything because many relationships start out that way and turn into more. Since he has outwardly admitted his attraction for her it is inappropriate for him to talk to her unless it is about business only. If he respects you and your relationship then he will stop but if he continues then he does not. If he behaves like this and you aren't even married yet then there could be serious problems in your marriage and relationship. Would he be okay if the tables were turned? I highly doubt it. Men think if a woman stays with them while they continue to do inappropriate behavior then they think you are okay with it and will continue.

    Answer by Congenial at 11:45 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

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