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3 Bumps

Funeral for a 23yr old...

My SO's best friend died last week. We talked to his mom and she said, word for word, "the service will be at 3:00 pm, please dress for a celebration and we will be having a party afterwards at our home" So, i'm guessing it isn't a typical funeral where everyone wears black..? What do we wear? Do we bring flowers, food, money...? The family didn't specify the details and we don't want to bother them right now. Any suggestion?

Answer Question
 
allfiller

Asked by allfiller at 11:14 AM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 12 (802 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Dress nice, but not too dressy, not too casual.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 11:15 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would just wear a normal dressy outfit....I wouldnt do black or navy since she requested for you to dress for a celebration.

    I think this is a good way for families to cope with the loss of someone so young! I would bring some food and drink maybe. Skip the flowers....make a donation in his name to a fitting charity.
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 11:16 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • When our son died two years ago at 22, we told every one to dress casual. People came in jeans and t-shirts. If she dress for a celebration, dress like you would for a party. I have the feeling they are going to celebrate his life instead of mourning their loss.

    My condolences to your SO on the loss of his friend.
    SpiritedWitch

    Answer by SpiritedWitch at 11:17 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would say dress as if you were going to a dinner party or something similar. Not all in black, but something more formal (like dress pants and a patterned blouse). As far as taking something, I would say flowers for a funeral but i there is any way to contact the family I would just ask if there would be anything to take for the gathering at their house afterwards. Since you're SO's was his best friend maybe he can take some photos they have together or put together a small scrapbook so he can share stories with the friends and families there. I can't imagine what his family must be going through right now, and I'm sorry for your loss. I hope everything goes well.
    1st_time_mom23

    Answer by 1st_time_mom23 at 11:18 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I'd wear something respectable in the traditional black, maybe with a little bit of white trim or something.
    I would bring flowers and food, only because they are the traditional party/funeral guest items.
    VanessaMomof2

    Answer by VanessaMomof2 at 11:18 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would dress nicely, just not in dark colors. I'm sure a gift of money would be greatly appreciated. Funerals are expensive, and most people don't have much, if any, warning when someone so young dies. Sorry for your loss.
    Ginger0104

    Answer by Ginger0104 at 11:18 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • It sounds like they want to celebrate his life. So sad, only 23. I would dress up, something nice, not black, but not too happy, business attire. You can bring food. It's a party, I'm sure they would appreciate anything you did.
    mompam

    Answer by mompam at 11:20 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I'd wear khakis & a nice shirt, or if they're casual people, nice jeans and a nice top. I agree with skipping a "gift" - if you really want to give them something, some money in a card is usually appreciated - they can use it toward funeral costs or some people make a donation of money gifts in the deseaced's name. Maybe a plant - a peace lily or something. Skip the flowers. BIL died just days shy of his 20th birthday and they appreciated money (they had new jerseys made for the town's little league since BIL played baseball) & all the siblings took plants home.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • it sounds like they are doing more of a celebration of life, we did this with my grandmother, wear something nice but not too colorful, maybe nice jeans and a nice shirt or a cute dress, I would call and ask if they need anything made,brought usually obits will tell you where to make donations etc, if he died from a disease maybe send money to a cause supporting that
    juansmommy

    Answer by juansmommy at 11:23 AM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Dress nice, black is always good even for a 'party'. Bring food.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:30 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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