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4 Bumps

do u think its wrong

i think when ur married porn and looking at pictures of other women is wrong. i come from a very religiouse family were that stuff is considered cheating. i know alot of people dont agree but my problem is.. ive told dh that i think its wrong and it hurts my feelings especially when im prego and feel really unattractive. he keeps saying he'l stop and doesnt ,well last week i found more pics(not porn,just women in panties and stuff) well i got mad and he promised once again not to do it, but he also said he doesnt look at porn anymore and none of the pics are naked. well i was looking again and i found all these searches for porn movies and stuff. am i wrong to be mad cus he lied to me and is still doing it??? i feel if u can lie about that u can lie about anything.. really upset..

Answer Question
 
mayo9mommy

Asked by mayo9mommy at 1:10 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 11 (508 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • I would be mad, yes. I, like you, don't agree with porn watching. It would hurt my feelings. & the fact that he is lying would hurt even more.
    SuperrMommyy

    Answer by SuperrMommyy at 1:12 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • oh, feel for you
    but also
    long for the good old days when he did this and not more

    i would trade shoes with you any day of the week

    still, feel bad for you, sorry to hear that, but could be soooo sooo much worse
    you have NO IDEA how much worse it can be,
    try again to put stop to it, he COULD increase his "interest"

    good luck!!
    fiatpax

    Answer by fiatpax at 1:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • i could care less if my hubby watches porn but the lying would tick me off.
    wildwiccan83

    Answer by wildwiccan83 at 1:14 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I think it's wrong when a partner says they are uncomfortable with something, and the spouse does it anyway.... porn included!
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 1:15 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • You want him to respect how you feel. So why can't you respect how he feels about something? You want him to hide his true feelings to accommodate you. Try some compromise and don't take what he does personally. It's no different than watching the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders strutting their stuff in their tiny outfits. That seems to be acceptable to some folks.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:18 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I don't care if my guy watches porn, and we'll even watch it together on occasion, but that's really not the issue here. The issue is that YOU are uncomfortable with it, and he knows that. He broke his promise on apparently more than one occasion.... He needs to respect your views on the matter, and he doesn't seem to be... I'm sorry :(
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 1:19 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I don't see anything wrong with a man watching porn, but when he knows it hurts your feelings he really should take that under consideration or be a bit more discrete about it .... especially now with you being pregnant... but maybe that is why he does it because you are pregnant and he can not be as active with you as he wishes. I don't know. Ask him why he does it!
    Ladyblue38

    Answer by Ladyblue38 at 1:49 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • we dont allow it in our marriage! I dont see why we would need it!
    JoLee12345

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 1:55 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • A husband is not a child that you can demand things from. You can tell him how you feel, you can ask him to not do something but that does not mean that he'll do as you ask. Nor should you expect him to do as you ask. To put the shoe on the other foot....what if your husband asked you to sleep with another man? Should he expect you to do so and then have a fit when you don't? No, it's right to expect demands to be met. What you need is communication about how you feel and to find a way to compromise that makes both of you happy with the decision. Lying doesn't help but I can see where he's already backed into a corner with your emotional demands. Why are you having an issue with porn? Once you know that, you can explain it to him so that he understands why it's important to you and he doesn't hear yet another unreasoned demand but a need, your need on this issue.
    isabellalecour

    Answer by isabellalecour at 2:06 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • If I were in your shoes, and it was something that bothered me. I expressed that feeling. And my husband and I had made agreements about it............

    I would be hurt and upset. Not because of the pics/web searches. I would be hurt and upset because he did not respect me, my feelings, or a mutual agreement that we had made. For me, it wouldn't be about the object (porn/etc.. in this case) it would be his disrespect and lying. Those would be my issues. And that would most definitely be issues I would be taking up with my husband. I would not focus on the porn aspect in this discussion. I would calmly and rationally focus on the lying and disrespect. My husband would need to know that it wasn't because I don't like porn, it was because he was disrespectful of my feelings, he did not hold up his end of an agreement we made, and the lying. Focusing on the porn would leave those other issues in the dark. KWIM
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 2:08 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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