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should i still file for child support?

I had my baby july 23rd and have been going back and forth with the decision to file for child support. me and the babies father are very cordial to each other and on speaking terms but he will NOT help me with the baby. while i was pregnant he told me he would be there for his daughter and help me raise her even though we arent together. WELL he hasnt bought her one thing, not a diaper,outfit,bib,blanket NOTHING. he is in the marines and is getting deployed at the end of the year and I feel so bad going after child support before he leaves but in all reality i need help, and btw he hasnt seen her since she was 2 days old and he lives 15 min from me. Im so confused what should i do?

Answer Question
 
mrdomino88

Asked by mrdomino88 at 2:41 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 2 (4 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • why would you feel bad about getting the money you deserve to help raise your child?!
    peanutsmommy1

    Answer by peanutsmommy1 at 2:43 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • File for custody and support ASAP. He could file for custody and support from you, what a mess that would be. You want to be the first to file. Since he is in the militry they will deduct support. It is money your child deserves. It doesn't matter what he promised or what he has given you.

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 2:45 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • ALWAYS FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT. it's not about you, its about the child's resources. trust me, it's gonna be difficult squeezing a dime out of most guys but your baby deserves it and you need it to take care of your child. trust me, no one ever got "rich" off of child support
    mrsmostafa

    Answer by mrsmostafa at 2:49 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I understand wanting to keep things nice between you too because child support does tend to make everyone mad at each other but if he is going to deploy he will be unavailable to help and communicate so even if he wanted to transfer you money it is highly likely he would be able. Just so you know, child support (or divorces for that matter) cannot be made final while they are deployed so if you do file, do it months before he goes because you don't want him to drag his feet and then oops he is deployed and the child support people can not legally get money from him. Good luck hon, if you really value the relationship you could explain your situation and together decide on an amount (close to the amount you would be getting from the cs office and push him toward that number). We got slammed with child support out of the blue and it was very maddening b/c we were already helping she could have asked for more.
    katie23

    Answer by katie23 at 2:53 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Your daughter deserves the support. It is not for you and maybe you should just talk to him. But she is worth it.
    martinmommy26

    Answer by martinmommy26 at 3:05 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • You should file. You've tried to just work with him and let him do it on his own, but he's not doing it. Supporting a baby is hard, he is the father he should help. I do agree that you should say something to him so he's not blindsided, but you should go forward with it no matter what his reaction is.
    jillybean703

    Answer by jillybean703 at 3:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would file. My husband is in the army, and I can tell you things change fast in the military. I have seen alot of couples that got along at first and then went south later. Besides, he should be helping support our child. The military is serious about taking care of obligations and I can tell you that his commander would not be happy to know he is not supporting his child.
    Sillybillymel

    Answer by Sillybillymel at 4:11 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • sillybillymel, i know with the military alot of things are made easier by being married but her father and i are not. with that being said some people have told me that i have no right to go to his commander because we are not married and also have no dna test yet. even though he and i know she is his. and he would not sign an admission of paternity at the hospital because i wouldnt allow her to have his last name! thats a whole other story lol. but what steps would you take besides filing, which i did today :) would you wait for the cs support to go through or get in contact with his co??
    mrdomino88

    Comment by mrdomino88 (original poster) at 4:59 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • If you need the help and he isnt giving it to you then file for child support
    LiLJeni

    Answer by LiLJeni at 7:12 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • why would you feel bad?! he helped create that child, he needs to help!
    stressedmomma13

    Answer by stressedmomma13 at 10:02 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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