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A couple very personal questions about sex: adult content

DH confessed to me last night that he feels really bad about the fact he can't please me without using his hand. He feels like less of a person and it negatively impacts the way he approaches love-making. He thinks maybe if I did more Kegel's it would help, and I'm willing to try, but I can't see how that would help. My "spot" just is in a place that doesn't get stimulated with normal intercourse.

1. Is that unusual? Are there many other women who need manual stimulation?
2. Is there anything I can or should do to change that?
3. Where's a good place to get solid info on this? I don't want to google search it 'cause I don't want to get a bunch of garbage.
4. How can I make my husband feel better about it? He really doesn't like even talking about sex, but I think we need to.


Asked by Anonymous at 5:05 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Hey I was thinking of just asking this same question my dh & I were talking last night and he's very well endowed if you know what I mean and I can't orgasim too much without his hand either. So he was wondering if other women feel the same way or if their S/O can get them going with their penis or if it's just him Thanks for asking

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • There's a number out there that says something like only 33% of women can orgasm solely with penetration. You ARE normal! That number should make him feel better, it's not him, it's biology!

    Answer by SabrinaBean at 5:08 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Mine is about the same spot as you but it doesn't affect my husband. H loves manual simulation. I don't think it's unusual.
    There is nothing you can do about it, it's where it is and you cant move your insides around.
    Sounds like you two should go see a sex therapist.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:09 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I've read that most women don't have orgasms during regular penetration. Try the woman on top, and play with it. You don't need therapy. He just needs to know it is normal.

    Answer by Hazelnutkin at 5:59 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Very few women can orgasm by penetration alone and for a loooooong time I was one of them. Then I started sleeping with DH. He is just built in such a way that he hits all the right spots. And more often than not I orgasm because he is stimulating my clitoris, not from g-spot stimulation.

    Answer by rhianna1708 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • As far as I know, it's quite common. Have you tried different positions? What about toys during sex? As for where to look without googling, maybe go to a book store, they have books about sex, maybe one can help you. The only thing I can think of to make your husband feel better is to assure him that it is common, and has nothing to do with him as a man or his sexual abilities.

    Answer by MeandMyBabes at 5:50 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Thanks hazelnut. Thanks everyone! Yeah, sex therapy will NOT be happening for us! We were actually joking about that last night. That would be a total killer for us!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • As the other ladies have said, it's quite common. I still have this issue from time to time. I have found that on top works well, that way I can control my position. Also, the "doggie" position has worked to, but I also have to stimulate my clitoris while doing it. Just let him know that it is extremely common. And, yeah, you are right, Kegel's won't help.

    Answer by spiritguide_23 at 6:40 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Tell him that it's not got anything to do with Kegals or him not being capable. I wish my SO would even try! He won't even try anymore.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:48 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Buy a bullet! You can use it on yourself during intercourse! Works wonders!

    Answer by momsbreak5654 at 8:30 PM on Sep. 24, 2010