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its complicated... being in love with someone who isnt available being with

I am in a ver abusive relationship. When I am working my check goes into his account and my name isn't on. I met my brother's friend three years ago and were friends. I sleep with him. I love him as my family nothing more. I got a job fell in love with this man and we were together for a few months.til the gossip hit I lost him because other people and because I wasn't really available. I however believe he was the love of my life. He would have been with me and told me if I would have left my husband. I am stuck with a man I resent Who would take away my kids out of spite.Now Ive given him somehting to take them away with. the man I loved moved in with his ex we arent even talking for four months. Then there is this other man who is a good friend of mine and my family since i was a child has money and would take care of me. Should I get married just to have security for my children? Stay in a loveless marriage. Or keep trying to pursuit a man who has a girlfriend now

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:22 AM on Jul. 2, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Not to be mean, but you must have very low self esteem. That's #1. #2, you can't get into another relationship until you are through dealing with the first realationship, weather you are happy or not, afraid to lose your kids or not, can you amagine if this guy finds out you have ben running around on him what he could do to your kids then? STOP the madness and get your crap together, girl.
    #3. bottom line, you don't need a man to be happy!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:18 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • How about you quit sleeping around and work on yourself. Leave the bad relationship first, heal from that, and then see what path life leads you on. You won't be happy until you fix the things that hurt you on the inside.

    Answer by Teachermom01 at 7:28 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • YOu should know the answer to these questions. You have had two or more men to come and try to rescue you and you haven't left yet? You do NOT know that he will take your kids. You have to go to court for that. How much abuse does it take? YOu need to get out of that house and relationship. Do not marry for security, that's not what marriage is for. When the next man comes who makes you feel worth something, go and do not look back. Leave in the middle of the night and draw up divorce papers while you are gone. If you can't wait that lond then leave on your own. Women have done it before, its not a secret. HUrry and get help.

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:19 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • There is another choice: Make a life for yourself and become your own best friend. I recommend you start talking to a counselor about the situation. Why do you feel stuck and why do you choose men "to take care of" you? There is a lot for you to work through but you can and if you do, you will choose a man (and he will choose you) for love and because you will both add to each other's lives. Start from scratch and ask yourself, "What do I need to do to be happy" and find someone who is qualified to help you answer the question!

    Answer by manna1qd at 9:18 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • I do have low self esteem... After being berated for over ten years hes not physically abusive but verbally and controls everything. Its a hard situation when you feel trapped Ive tried to leave before and nothing worked. I am sad that I missed my chance at happiness with the man I fell in love with. If I didn't have my friend to validate meet I wouldn't feel real. I live an empty pretend life. We look like the barbie couple... Our kids are beautiful and we are educated he is just mean...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • seriously--i think you're in love with the idea of bein' in love! try thinkin' about your kids, before you get in another relationship. they are more important than your need to be in love.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:48 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • okay--i just answered in a way i shouldn't have. i was just angry, because so many mothers don't think of how the things tey do and the relationships they get into are gonna affect their kids. my own mom did such stupid things! I wrote the reply that starts out with 'seriously'. anyways, i know it's hard to know what to do. please think things through, before making any rash decisions. if you don't get out--where do you see yourself and your kids a year from now? if you go with the other guy---are you and your kids really going to be safe? (not just physically, but emotionally.) just try to think things through, that's all!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:52 AM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • I definatly don't think you should marry for money..that will just make you miserable in the long run. You shouldn't stay in a love less marriage either. You need to move on. If your "true love" is back w/ his ex and he loves her...leave it alone.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:04 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • Yep, I can't judge his ex she cheated on him. She was out of the picture for two years and when I came into the picture she came back she was used to calling him and having him at her beck and call.We were moving forward when the gossip hit at work and I didn't meet his deadline to be away from my husband.They got back together. If he ever breaks up with her I would probably run at the chance to be with him. Sounds awful but I am not a homewrecker and I wish him the best. If we would have met at another time it would have been different the chemistry between us even after we stop seeing each other and were just working was affecting everyone at work we both would have lost our jobs but I resigned. So even though he has his girlfriend we stay away from each other because out of site out of mind. We were good together and I cry over that every night... Although, it sounds like a clique I want him to be happy...

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Jul. 2, 2008

  • This is going on long enough. You say that you are educated, in what? Why are you waiting for a man to leave someone else. YOu also say that you have low self esteem, why? Leaving may not be easy, but you should use your free time to think of a plan, an escape route. Cancel your direct deposit or what ever method he is using to get your money and stay in a hotel or get your own apartment. Struggle by yourself for a while. Have you had any good ideas lately? Educated people should have more sense, seriously.

    Answer by Queentdi at 11:10 PM on Jul. 5, 2008

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