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how do i get my husband to come home?

my husbands step father just reciently passed away in a car accident. we rushed to his home town for the funeral and to console his mother. after spending a week there we came back home after his mother asked us to move away from our home to help her get back on her feet. with in a week of getting home my husband quit his job and went back to be with his mother because she was having a hard time. he said he would be back with me every 2 weeks. now we are fighting because he wants me to quit my job and move up there right away.

how to i help him understand that he can't be a crutch for his mother and that he needs to focus on our relationship first? he has threatened to divorce me if i don't make the move with him on his timeline. now everything is on his timeline and we dont' even get to talk for more than 20 - 40 min a day and even that is interrupted. it will be 4 weeks on the 27th since he passed.

Please Help me!

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:39 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I think you need to give it more time. It hasn't even been a month. She needs time to grieve. But what your husband is pulling is BS. He has a family that needs him too. A man that puts his mother before he's own children and wife isn't a man to be with in my opinion.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:43 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • For me personally, if this was that important for my husband, I would probably move, if tables were turned and my mother needed me, and I felt that I needed to be by her I would expect him to do the same, or at least compromise and let him stay for a while, 1 month is not a lot of time to grieve for someone, and maybe she is taking it really hard. Her husband died.... she does need a crutch right now.

    Answer by sheloveearth at 5:45 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • What kind of jobs do you both have that you can just so easily up and quit? How are you both supporting your family if you both quit your jobs, I assume you have children with him? That being said, I agree with sheloveearth, if it was that important to my husband I would have to seriously consider it. Either that, or being ok with him being gone. This is something he obviously feels he *needs* to do right now.

    Answer by gramsmom at 5:53 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I understand his wanting to be there for his mom, but he does have an obligation to you and his kids. I think being down there for weekends is one thing, but to just up and quit his job and leave is a bit extreme. How to get him home...well it seems he is pretty set on you moving there...and has threatened to divorce you...sorry, but this is totally unfair to you and the kids. He has no right to make a unilateral decission like this. Marriage is a two way street. Why can't his mom move to where you all live? I would tell him he married you not his mom...and if he wants anything to do with you, he will come home, if not, then I guess he really isn't worth it after all now is he?

    Answer by salexander at 6:35 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • I would go to my dh

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Wow I feel for you but agree with salexander hang in there give it some more time before you up & quit your job? give it a few months if it can wait that long.

    Answer by sarasmommy777 at 8:06 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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