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do you think my husband and i still have a chance? just wondering adult content

we used to looooooove each other and i never stopped. he let alcohol, stress and depression cloud his eyes and heart and even mind. he had a horible hell of a childhood, but it is no excuse. i am away from him for abuse, all kinds every month or so. we have a son each and a baby of six months. he is all remorsefull is in AA, anger management completed, two kinds psychologist and psychiatrist for meds, and tryign to find a job. court is coming up in oct where i am pressin gcharges but will push for programs not jail. his family says they dont blame me, he is goign to try to do a spiritual retreat Emmaus walk in November... IF he did these things and i could date him in public places at first or just email I think i would, but i also feel like goign forward alone if he is just a faker... somehow i think he realizes to shape up but i am wary. anyone can share something useful instead of a big NO... anyone been thru this maybe?

 
silverelf

Asked by silverelf at 6:19 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 16 (3,114 Credits)
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Answers (9)
  • I think if he's willing to go through all that he deserves a chance. Don't jump in head first, be careful and wary. Let him know he's going to have to earn that trust back, but he's making the effort and thats worth something.
    hobbitswife04

    Answer by hobbitswife04 at 6:21 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • No one thinks you would act stupidly but sometimes those who have been abused (me included) have such high hopes that we don't wait to see results. I thought I was going slow and ended up going back too soon thinking the kids needed him as did I. I screwed up and it started all over again. I would suggest you join a support group and possibly go to counseling to know what to expect if you do go back.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:31 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • ok right.. he did put his butt right into stuff for treatment... i have to weigh whether that was to evade jail and consequences or fo rhimself or for all of us in part., THANKS! i wont be stupid
    silverelf

    Comment by silverelf (original poster) at 6:25 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Is he doing this because he WANTS to, does he seem sincere? I have never been in an abusive relationship, but grew up in it, watching my Daddy beat women, even called the law on him. My Husband use to drink a lot, but he was never mean to me, just embarrassing and nerve racking when you are trying to raise a family. He finally stopped and has been great, but I had to show him I meant what I was saying. Your Husband seems like he is trying, but I am not sure if he is going this on his own, or because he is having to. Trust your heart and take it slow until you know he is serious.
    luvmy4kidsinAL

    Answer by luvmy4kidsinAL at 6:29 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • my husband cheated on me with men and was abusive he was very addicted to porn and tons of other stuff but with a ton of therapy and anger management he's the guy I fell in love with. Minus all the drama. He's been nothing but amazing. I'm still a little weary of when it's going to start again but after a year he's proved other wise. Every day I forget about the past and get excited for the future. Anything is possible and it takes strength to do it but even considering it is strength in of it's own good job hun. I say it can work
    Heidikans

    Answer by Heidikans at 6:29 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • i'm sorry but i think you need to move on. I was with my son's father for 7 yrs before i pulled my head out of my ass. He was as abusive alcoholic but he would "get better" and each time i would give him that chance and as soon as things would start looking up he would drag me back down. I say move on with your life..while the kids are so young. Find you someone who has their life built..not someone you have to build and put back together, he is a waste
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 6:31 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Also, this doesn't just cause issues with you, but his kids as well. I haven't talked to my Dad in years, my kids don't even know him...some can change like my Husband, but some can't and wont, like my Dad.
    luvmy4kidsinAL

    Answer by luvmy4kidsinAL at 6:31 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • If he really wants to change, it can work, but if he abuses you in any way, Run like hell.
    dancinintherain

    Answer by dancinintherain at 6:33 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • wow you guys, right. i have had my head up my butt and only went on my heart. what a shame this is. he is sort of a waste in that he wasted me waitin gfor him, then comin gback and wasting our first year of marriage being a drunk majorly depressed (thats his diagnosis) mess.... i couldnt understand if i was so happy why wasnt he? he was severely abused as a child. i dont want to get stuck or hit ever again so i shouldnt really go back, and if i did it shoudl be in like a year or so and see what he' sdoing. i mayextend my Protective order to include email contact and maybe public places only if arranged ahead, only. thanks women. i am trying to be slow and smart and i DONT want my children to be torn in any way anymore, they are awesome and cuute and happy now. so good and content and peaceful children and smart and enjoy and have fun
    silverelf

    Comment by silverelf (original poster) at 7:14 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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