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how do you deal with not having a good mother and yet not let the hate you have for her make you upset while preg?

i basiclly broke down crying my eyes out in the car cause i hate my mom so much for not being there for me growing up!!!

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pinkdena

Asked by pinkdena at 9:01 PM on Sep. 24, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 19 (6,760 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • I just know I'll be a better mom because of what I went through.
    I don't hate her. That takes too much energy. but I don't love her either. She just is.
    I took me a long time to get there, I blamed myself for the longest time. I thought that something was wrong with ME that she couldnt' love me.
    Then I realized that I was just fine. That something was wrong with her.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 9:07 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • This happens to a lot of people when they become parents, including me. You can't change the past, so the best thing to do is see a therapist to help you heal the past and go on with your future.
    Namaste17

    Answer by Namaste17 at 9:13 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • my mother took physical care of me but emotionally she just wasnt there. only sometimes. she tried. anyway dont let ANY hate eat you up like that... that is where evil comes from. create a haven for your baby in your body, and your soul let you rheart beat for you and for the baby... there is a reason you feel this way and it is tyo giev the best life possible to your cuuute little one! i have a six month old daughter and a 7 year old adopted son from overseas and eachwas meant to be mine. and they are their own peopel too, i amjust guiding and protectign them with in reason and love. instill the things you wishe were instilled in you that YOU had to do yourself and they will be so much wiser and just feeling happy will cause your baby to leao with joy inside you... even at this age it can FEEL your stress levels they release cortisol which can affect baby... i kept my blood pressure low even when my husband was abusive. beyou
    silverelf

    Answer by silverelf at 9:14 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • It's not my mom but my MIL I had issues with. I hope your situation changes. Forgive her that helps. You don't have to forget but forgive and accept her for who she is not who you want her to be because that way she won't disappoint you as much in the future. Put your energy into caring for yourself and your baby instead of focusing on hating her.
    Unfortunenlty we do not speak to my MIL anymore bc of the awful things she has done. its just less stessful that way. But it still bothers me and I realized one day that i do hate her. She is a nasty person and will not change. and I am better off now then I was before.
    So sorry ((((Hugs))))
    OBImomma

    Answer by OBImomma at 9:15 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • Use what happened to you as a learning tool. You'll know exactly how NOT to be with your child, and you'll be the better parent for it.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 9:17 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • its more of the fact that my mom hasn't been in my life since i was 5. she was very abusive and so were her many boyfriends to me. i just think that my little girl is going to suffer cause i dont have those experiences with my mom like talking about mommy daughter things. i was so scared to find out that i was having a girl and not a boy cause i grew up with a brother and an amazing father... im more like a boy! i love my daughter so much already and i feel like im going to fail her cause i dont know or have any experiences with my mother to go on... my mil is very sweet and i know she tries really hard to be there for me but its still not the same. 20 years of my life my own mother lives like 15 minutes from where i grew up and even know im married and pregnant and still ignores me and has told a cousin or 2 that she hates me and thinks im a whore (even though ive been married for 5 months before getting pregnant). it hurts
    pinkdena

    Comment by pinkdena (original poster) at 10:37 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

  • oh an jalepeno peppers
    FreeSpriT4eva

    Answer by FreeSpriT4eva at 11:44 PM on Sep. 24, 2010

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