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find an apartment first or a lawyer?

I am totally terrified to actually tell the husband I am leaving. I have been thinking about it for a really long time, at least a year. This is a second marriage for both. I am thinking about taking all the blame, and not making it about being scared of him.
I am just so tired, and I dont wanna live with him anymore, or his son. I love his my step son but hes slowly turning into a version of his dad.
Husband sometimes well meaning. Most of the time he is a screamy yelly lazy know it all, selfish jerk.
Just so tired of it all.
I want to move on, with out him - just scared of the fight that will happen when I tell him I wanna go
his last wife left while he was at work and he didnt hear from her for two months. I think I can understand her a little better, after a few years with him.
sigh.
what to do what to do what to do

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:44 AM on Sep. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (4)
  • Change is hard, that's why so many people stay in bad relationships. I say apartment first. Get yourself safe and settled first.
    DMac08

    Answer by DMac08 at 6:55 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • OMG- fs he's that violent, have police/sherrif present when you get your things moved out. Get a restraining order & public meeting places for visitation. Better yet, maybe the court will order anger mgmt classes, parenting classes & supervised visitation for him. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:34 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Do both at the same time. Find a place to live and call some lawyers. Most will do a free first time consultation. If you can not afford one google your state and the words "bar association" Look through the website for Pro bono (free) legal services. GL! hug
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 7:37 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Wow you sound like I did. Took me over a year to make that decision too. But I did and don't regret it. It may feel a little hard at first, and you may have moments of 'did I do the right thing' but in the end, stick to your plan because you did. I am so much happier coming home and he's not here. I am me again, and not someone walking on egg shells because I'm afraid to piss him off for whatever the daily reason would be. I'm glad he's nicer to our son now since he doesn't see him every day and he doesn't take their time for granted like he did before. He treated him as if his existence was a burden, and was vocal about that. I guess divorcing him made him realize I meant how I said I felt and I wasn't taking his crap anymore.

    So...do what you need to. Get an apartment lined up but you can talk to a lawyer first. They will not actually file until you say so. Best wishes.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:31 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

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