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3 Bumps

What would you do?

OK so I have a friend who is 19(I'm 24 today) and her parents are so over protective to the point where it is mean. Last night she came over with my brother(she is both of our friend) and her ankle was swollen and her toes were turning purple. She called her mom to bring her to the ER and she said she wouldn't be home by curfew if she went to the ER. She has to be home by 10 every night even weekends. My brother is 16 and doesn't have to be home at 10 on weekends. She has a job and had to beg for a house key so she wouldn't be locked out if she worked late. I mean this girl is super sweet. She graduated high school and is currently enrolling in college. She is the type of girl I want my DD to be when she's 19. She doesn't drink or do drugs. She doesn't have a new guy each week. In fact I haven't even seen her with a guy even though she is very pretty she is too focused on working and school. Would you be like that?

Answer Question

Asked by delilahsmom1177 at 8:13 AM on Sep. 25, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 19 (7,071 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • She sounds like a sweet kid,sounds like her mom does not trust her.

    Answer by dancer at 8:20 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • dancer, it does. Her older sister got into trouble a lot and got pregnant as a teen etc etc. This girl is not like that but they keep her so closed up so she won't be like that. It's so sad. She was sitting on the couch next to me last night on the phone with her mom and I wanted to take the phone out of her hand and scream at her mother when she said she wouldn't be home by curfew if she went to the hospital. I was disgusted!

    Comment by delilahsmom1177 (original poster) at 8:30 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I don't know what can be done right now, but I think this poor girl needs to get herself a secret savings account and save up for her own place as soon as possible. Once you turn 18, you shouldn't have a "curfew", even if you do still live at home.

    And that business about "you'll miss curfew if you go to the hospital" What would the consequences have been if she had gone to the hospital? Honestly, it sounds like borderline abuse to me in that she wouldn't get proper medical care because of this so-called "curfew".

    Answer by makelineerror at 8:36 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • no way...i think her parent still think of her as a child its hard to go from taking care 24/7 to ok you turn 18 your an adult...the parents are a bit much but i think they want to keep her as a child...its sad parents that do this end up losing and missing out cuz the child will spreed there wings...she sounds like a great luck to her =)

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 9:06 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I agree with the bottom half of makelineerror. However, the top half just isn't working for me. The only thing I don't agree with is the whole they turn 18 they have no curfew. I think they should have a curfew as long as they are still in (high) school and the parents are totally supporting them before they graduate. BUT, I think that she should have a LATER curfew on the weekends. And her mom should have taken her to the ER when she called and told her what was going on instead of telling her that if she went she would miss curfew. That's just wrong!

    Answer by QueenMomma2023 at 9:11 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Queen, actually she is not in high school anymore has a job and they refuse to take rent from her because they know they will have to give her more freedom. She is such a cool girl and really great.

    Comment by delilahsmom1177 (original poster) at 9:14 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I would suggest her trying to find a place of her own. I don't know what area you live in, but in my area you can rent a little efficiency for around $350 + electric. Her parents are obviously trying to control her way beyond what is reasonable.

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 9:20 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Gotta hate when parents hold their other children accountable for mistakes made by another child.
    She needs to either sit down and with her parents and explain that she's now a responsible adult and doesn't need a curfew and needs to be treated like an adult now (as long as she's helping around the house no reason for rent) OR she will leave and find a roommate situation where she can afford to be on her own.

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 10:28 AM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • is there a way you could allow her to move in for a little rent money?
    It would free her up a little from her parents, and still give her some independence.

    The little rent money could be maybe $20 a week plus groceries for herself.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 12:39 AM on Sep. 29, 2010

  • I'd be helping her put away money so she could move out - she's 19, and legally an adult. Do you feel she'd make a good roommate (unless you live with your parents)? Maybe you could give it a try, work out terms that you agreed to, and see how it worked? Or maybe she could get a different roommate? Either way, this sounds like a controlling, untrusting environment and it doesn't sound like she deserves that.

    Answer by WomanWitty at 12:40 AM on Oct. 11, 2010

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