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Please help- but do not bash!

When my SO and I first got together, we both knew it was not exclusive. I also had another man in my life. Well, me and "Bob" decided to be serious, and I stopped seeing "Tim." Now, Bob and I have been together for two years. I have a beautiful baby girl. The thing is I only stopped seeing Tim for about three months. I do not which is my daughters bio dad. I have recently gotten back to my Christian life, which I left as a teen. I have stopped seeing Tim. I am trying to stop thinking about him, but I can not. I do good for a while, but sooner or later, I always think about him again. I am praying about it so much, but it is not helping. I just got an email from him about how much he misses me and everything, and instead of writing him back, I am writing this. I can not get over him. Please help!

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on Oct. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • The best thing to do is don't reply to his messages. That will only lead to stronger feelings. My advice is just to discipline yourself to quit thinking about him. When he pops up in your head and you find yourself dwelling on him just make yourself stop. Do something that occupy's your mind. We DO have authority over what we think and we CAN make ourselves stop whatever we are thinking. The longer you keep him off your mind the better. It will take time. Start thinking about the good things about your DH and focus on HIM more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I wrote the FIRST reply and I just reported the rude one so that nasty reply will get deleted :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:50 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • FYI rude anonymous person with SUCKY advice intended to be mean. She IS NOT a slut. This is something that was IN HER PAST and she CAN'T change that. Telling her NOT to be a slut is stupid because she is currently only with ONE man...That's not a slut. This is something she is dealing with her past!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • To the second anon- Did you miss the part about not bashing? You do not need to reply if you can not control yourself.
    To the op- I agree with the first answer- just pray every time you think about him. Maybe read the Bible- remember you were smart enough to make teh decision to get away- you can be strong enough to stay away.

    Answer by smzuzu at 3:54 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Thank you for reporting her, I already feel bad enough as it is.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:55 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Her message is deleted. :)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • The other ladies said it all...i've been in the same situation and well... replying back is not goign to help at all... he always use to convince me... try to stay away fro him and those thoughts ... Good Luck

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • don't reply back.and don't tell your current husband.It will ruin your relationship if you tell him..If you dna tested her, and she turned out to be his anyway, he'd never trust you again.I'd just be a happy family as you are.God put this man in you and your daughters life for a reason.Let him be her daddy.

    Answer by evelynwest at 6:31 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • well you didnt really say how things are with your DH, i would want to know who the baby daddy is but thats just me..... if you and DH are great then stay away from Tim. however you could get Tim to do DNA test without Bob knowing if baby is Bob's stay where you are if not you have to tell him he has a right to know.......your child has the right to know who her real daddy is ..... all kinds of issues could come up in her life ,health etc.... ignoring the situation is not gonna make it go away .... good luck in your decision .... also look at it this way what if a situation came up and your child needed blood and your husband found out not his child....

    Answer by MarksGurl at 7:59 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • If you and your husband have a great relationship, why even think about this 'other man'? Don't reply back to his messages. Delete him out of your life completely. I know it's hard to get rid of past feelings, but it will help in time. Don't beat yourself up. Continue to keep praying. You will find peace of mind. Be patient. Love on your husband and child(ren) like there is no tomorrow.

    Answer by SKARISKARA at 8:09 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

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