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I need your opinion!

I love my daughter's father. He is an amazing man. His father was drunk and VERY abusive to his mother. He himself struggles with drinking. I dealt with it before we had a child, but now its affecting her, so I told him to move out. He did, but now I have so many people telling me that I should not let him see our daughter and how he loves drinking more than us. I think he needs help with his addiction, but what right do I have to take his daughter away from him. He is insistant that he will change for us, and in the future, he prove that he changed for us. I want to be with him, but do not want my daughter thinking that a drunk man who does not come home in the weekends is a how a man is supposed to be. He is not nor has he ever cheated on me.

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 AM on Oct. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I think separating until he changes is a good idea, but not keeping him away from his daughter. As long as you don't fear for her safety when she is with him, I don't see why you shouldn't let him see her.

    Answer by janie-o at 4:25 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I agree with janie-o. He has the right to see his daughter. Make sure he is done with drinking before you let him back, if yo let him back.

    Answer by keykey289 at 4:30 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • He has the right to see his daughter unless his addiction puts her in danger. I hope he gets the help he needs.

    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 4:58 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I think if he is sober, and you are with them , it would be great for your daughter to spend time with her dad.But he needs to stop drinking if it is ruining his and your life.I'd just enforce that he be sober.That may motivate him to stop drinking totally.

    Answer by evelynwest at 6:27 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Is he drinking when he's with her? Does he neglect or endanger her? If not, then there's no reason to deprive your daughter of her father, or vice versa.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:54 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Let her see him, but only when he is sober. For a while at least, you should probably be present, too, just to make sure. Once you see that he is really making the effort, you can consider letting her go somewhere with him without you. I think it best that you not live with him until he has been clean for at least a year. Why not make marriage a part of the package, too, if and when you decide to make a home with him again?

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:21 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • ditto. keep it supervised, stay there with them, making sure he's sober of course and i wouldnt let him back until he's sober, maybe even get him some therapy; there may be some unresolved resentment towards his father he needs to talk about.

    Answer by imanixon2 at 10:03 AM on Oct. 21, 2008

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