Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

My fiancee returned from Iraq last Saturday and is acting VERY strange

While he was in iraq he told me he was seeing a counselor because he was stressing over all of the killing, deaths, and constant sound of bombs. Anyways, we talked frequently and everything in our relationship was fine. Now that he has been home I dont hear from him much at all and neither does his mother. He is keeping to himself more than I think he should. When I did talk to him he said that he just needs time to himself to adjust to being back in the U.S. and get his mind together. He wont answer phone calls, text messages, and when we were supposed to go out last night he didnt show up or call to say he wasnt coming. As of right now I still havent heard from him. I admit I started nagging that there must be another woman in the picture because of the way hes pushing me away and all he says is no there is not anyone and that he just needs his time. Do you think there is another woman or am I over reacting?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:34 PM on Sep. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • People return from theater affected in many different ways.

    There could be anything from PTSD to depression, to self realization and beliefs questioning going on, to just having problems adjusting to being back in the "real world"... to anything and everything between.

    Me personally.. Another woman would be the least of my concerns, and it would not be on the top of my list of possibilities.. I would be far more concerned with his mental health and what state that is in. I would be far more concerned about his adjustment and how he was "dealing" with being back home. I would be worried about depression.. There's many things that would be on my mind, another woman, would not be one of them.
    pixie_trix

    Answer by pixie_trix at 4:37 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • OVER REACTING!
    LEAVE HIM ALONE! He's seen things you have never seen before. He needs time. Hell he's been in the US for a freaking week! It's going to take MONTHS or even longer to adjust to civilization and to get over what he's seen.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:39 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • As you don't know from personal experience what he went thu in Iraq I would say you are over reacting on the other woman assumption, I'd give him the space he is asking for or else all your going to do is push him even further away. But I would at least leave him a message saying you will respect his feelings and give him time and space to sort thins out, but I'd also tell him you love him and hope he'll seek a counselor here as well because you are worried about him. I'd probably also let him know you'll call him in a week to check up on him.
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 4:39 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • honestly it sounds like he has been greatly effected by the war and has PTMS and depression and he just isn't comfy with a normal life after seeing everything he saw. He just needs time. Sometimes men don't want to be home after what they have seen and just keep going back (re-enlisting). I really doubt there is another woman. I just think he needs more counseling, from someone who helps soldiers adjust back into civilian life.

    (I have a lot of friends over there now)

    Good luck hun. Keep the lines of communication open but I think therapy is best, if you can't relate you can't help a lot.
    gottalovemal

    Answer by gottalovemal at 4:40 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • PTSD*
    gottalovemal

    Answer by gottalovemal at 4:40 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • He just got back from a foreign place where he may have been witness to some scary stuff. If it were me and my man, I would think another woman would be the LAST thing he's thinking about. Your man was seeing a counselor overseas, he should probably still be seeing one at home. I'd guess he's in a delicate mental state, but I don't know him or walk in his shoes.
    silversmom

    Answer by silversmom at 4:41 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • It does not sound like you two are living in the same city/town/state? (My DH was in Iraq for 15 months, he did not get a 2 week leave.)
    Give him some space. Stop pushing him to talk. Let him come to you. He already has told you he is having issues. Everybody is different, some people take longer to get back to normal. My DH had a few issues. But nothing to bad when he came back.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 4:43 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I agree with the others, I dont think its another woman, I think you need to stop pushing him, he is adjusting to being home, he was obviously having a hard time over there, and im sure it is even harder now that he is home. I think the best you can do is be there for him, support him, and try to understand where he is coming from. Also maybe try to help him go and get help for himself. Im sorry you have to go through this, Im sure it was hard missing him for so long and having him come back like this, good luck, I hope he gets through it!
    -LovingMamma-

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 4:44 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I agree with everyone else. Leave him alone and give him time to adjust. I don't think there is another woman.
    PoisonousBlonde

    Answer by PoisonousBlonde at 4:46 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Leave him alone for a while, let him get his bearings back. Let him know that you are there for him, and maybe suggest that he look into some counseling. Other than that, relax a little. I really think he just needs some time.
    A.Perry

    Answer by A.Perry at 4:47 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN