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So my husband doesn't wanna try anymore...

But I do! Should I still convince him to try?! Or... not start my bc, but tell him i'm going to? I know it's WRONG to trick a man into having a baby, but he WANTED one, and since we haven't been successful for 3 months he suddenly doesn't.... Advice?

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Ihavehope9

Asked by Ihavehope9 at 5:57 PM on Sep. 25, 2010 in Trying to Conceive

Level 5 (101 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • Do you have any children, or would this be your first? Have you been trying for 3 months total, or has it been a long road? Maybe give him a break, it can be heart breaking for a Man too.... If you're young, and healthy, and can take a break for a little while, I think you owe him that. You should NOT tell him you're on BC and then trick him, that's so wrong, and not fair to him. He was honest with you, that's the least you could do for him...
    MrsLeftlane

    Answer by MrsLeftlane at 6:01 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • If he's so willing to give up after only 3 months either he didn't really want one to begin with or there's something else going on.
    coder_chick

    Answer by coder_chick at 6:01 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I think he's just upset cuz I started my period today, so it's fresh sadness. We have 2 children. I know it's wrong to trick him, I won't do that. But I want a baby so badly, I don't want this to tear apart our relationship. Now he's saying he's SO against it- this "was a sign we shouldn't have another baby" and doesn't EVER wanna have anymore kids. He's content w/ the two we've got. But that crushes all my hopes and dreams of a 3rd child. Our first child was surprise, he wasn't ready to be a father, but when she was born he fell in love and she is the apple of his eye and loves her more than anything. Idk what to do!
    Ihavehope9

    Comment by Ihavehope9 (original poster) at 6:04 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Give him a few weeks/months and talk to him about it again.
    nsrush83

    Answer by nsrush83 at 6:24 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I know how heart broken you are. My DH has played this card too. And it took a little over a year before he'd agree to start TTC again. He's probably just stressed out and is just shutting down, that's what my DH does. Give him some time and I bet he'll change his mind. Also, I would put him in charge of birth control since he's the one that doesn't want to get pregnant. Make him buy the condoms and make him remember to put them on. It might make him decide to start TTC again a little faster than if you get back on the pill :)
    smileyashmommy

    Answer by smileyashmommy at 6:41 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • You know, he probably feels the failure to conceive as failure on his part or as a painful disappointment, like you. Men don't always talk about their feelings like we women do. Also, when we're trying to conceive, we often look at sex as a process to get what we want (a baby) and we aren't as spontaneous/are more stressed about the result than we are about enjoying our husband and sex. He may feel that the pressure of having to perform is detrimental to his/your sex life.
    My husband and I tried for 3 months to conceive our 3rd child. After that we decided to stop trying and just let it happen if it was meant to be. We enjoyed each other more, were far more spontaneous, and conceived that month, all without conception being the goal. Maybe approach your husband and tell him that HE is much more important and you would like to stop trying and just let it happen. If it's meant to be, it'll happen.
    ~hugs~ and good luck!
    michiganmom116

    Answer by michiganmom116 at 7:12 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • I am on my 2nd month TTC. Let me tell you, to us, it feels like sooooo much work! It is very stressful! It is probably a major turn off too, at least for us, to always have scheduled sex. I am just waiting for my husband to say that too! LOL!
    I think if it were me, I would not start my bc but tell him the truth. Take a break for a month. Then start TTC again. I am so glad I am on my 2WW because I am so tired of OPK testing and having sex! I feel like I am on vacation! LOL
    Live4AutumnRose

    Answer by Live4AutumnRose at 7:56 PM on Sep. 25, 2010

  • Like Michiganmom, we gave up on officially trying to TTC, and the very next month, we were pregnant. I wouldn't get back on BC, but use condoms if he wants. Be spontaneous. Stop looking at calendars. If you know it's a time when you want to be baby dancing, make it romantic. Other times, let it be unplanned and just stop everything you are doing to show him how much you love him.
    tyheamma

    Answer by tyheamma at 8:57 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • yea tell him dont trick him
    mekarevell

    Answer by mekarevell at 12:24 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

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