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why do spouses think that we can do it all?

my spouse never helps out with our newborn. I have to ask him to do anything to help. He doesn't wake up with her, nor changes her diapers. It makes me feel like i might as well be single if i am doing it all alone!

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christina0610

Asked by christina0610 at 5:55 AM on Sep. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • i no how you feel girl!! My dh don't do anything with my dd either and she is now 22 months old, i asked him if he could help me with her and he said "Your super Mommy, you don't need any help"
    I was shocked...and he dident help me out either!!
    mommylisar

    Answer by mommylisar at 7:01 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Ugh- how frustrating! You just have to tell him flat out that you need his help taking care of his child. Tell him to sit down w/ you to work out a sched. when you get a break to rest, shower, shop, etc. If he balks, ask him how much child support he thinks he'd have to pay? That might get his attention. Good luck
    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 7:03 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Are you a SAHM? If so. He probably concider it YOUR JOB to take care of the kids.
    This is what you do. He comes home from work. Hand him the kid. Grab the car keys and walk out the door. Tell him you have thing to do bye. Make him take care of the kid.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:25 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • You might have to specifically ask him to do something, or you could make a list of all of the things that need to be done every day and ask him to do a few of the things. Just say it's a "schedule" rather than a "get off your ass and help me, you slacker list." lol He may be like my DH and just not know what to do or how to help, because you look as though you have it all together. Props to you! He doesn't know you're feeling frazzled on the inside, are still hormonal, and want to cry half the time (or at least I did). If you give him a specific thing to do, I'm sure he'll gladly do it. He might just be feeling a little left out with all of your attention on new bundle of joy. Make sure you get a bit gushy over what he DOES do. That positive reinforcement will help encourage him to do something else to help out. Get gushy over that, too. Men respond well to being our heroes, they just need a little encouragement. Good luck!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 7:31 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Some day it will all pay off when you are the preferred parent, then he will see what he should have done and didn't!
    older

    Answer by older at 9:47 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I'm a sahm and when we had our son dh talked. He was in charge of the nightly diapers and he will make the bottle. In the other hand I will feed the baby and put him to sleep. It worked for us, you should try talking to your dh. During the day I'm alone with our son so I do everything. If he get out of work early he bath him and try to give him dinner. Idk how it's going to work out now since I'm having a girl and he refuse to change diappers and bath her. He said he can't do that because she is a girl, wich I think is stupid but respect his wishes. We will work something out. Communication is the best advice I can give you.
    sweetyazfl

    Answer by sweetyazfl at 10:35 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I had the same problem with the first one. I felt like a single mom, working two part time jobs, waking up every night by myself with a teether, at the time, the bills weren't getting paid because I had to take care of those too and I was just to tired, and we were still living in a FEMA trailer. I decided the stress was just too much and something had to give. I quit both jobs and became a SAHM. Then, I had time and energy to wake up all night long, take care of the baby all day, and make sure that all of the bills got paid on time. But then, I needed help with getting daddy to watch his own son just so that I could take a bath or wash the dishes. It took a while but I think I finally got through to him. For things that needed to get done like the dishes He said that I was home all day so it was all my job. I told him do you bring a kid to work with you all day? You wouldn't get much done if you did, right? (cont.) --->
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 2:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • (cont.) ---> Well, someone has to watch the crawler so that I can do my "work". Then, like a PP said sometimes when I needed to go to the store or something I would change the babies diaper, fix a bottle, and just walk out the door leaving baby with daddy. My husband's hard headed like me so I think I've probably tried just about everything including just blowing up and screaming my head off while telling him how I felt. We have three boys now. He changes diapers now and makes bottles some but he usually sleeps too sound to wake up when two of them do at night. But that's ok because I've always been a bit of a night person. And he usually will watch two of them while I go to the store. It pretty much worked out. It'll get better. Start with talking to him then start doing some actions.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 3:07 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I hate how men think we are super moms. When I started going to school my husband would only need to watch our daughter for 2 hours, make dinner and put her to be. That's time is when he finally realized how hard it was to be s SAHM and started helping more. 2 hours was enough for him to go crazy when I had her a hell of a lot longer then that.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:26 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • No offense, but if you are a stay at home mom that is your job. My husband works 50 hours a week, I don't expect him to come home and do my job when I don't go and do his.
    Leigh519121

    Answer by Leigh519121 at 6:40 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

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