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messed up bad howcan i explain it to them

i have a3 year old son, i have never met his sgrandparents
his father was taking him over to see them but he stoped about a year and a half ago
he said that they would refer to him as thier so called grand son and call him names like bastard he also said that they would call me a whore and a slut because i wouldnt marry him( he wanted to get married because i was pregnant not because he loved me) his new wife and his mother in law also said that they had said thoose things
my sons father dropped out of his life in the begining of this year so i have spent the last 9 months thinking over every thing that he had said 3days ago i worked up the nerve to send them both a message on facebook
and a friend request which they accepted when i looked at there page they had 37 pic of my son up with captions like isnt my grandson amazing and how they missed him cont in first answer

Answer Question
 
liadotwtd

Asked by liadotwtd at 8:37 AM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 6 (139 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • ?
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 8:40 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • WOW... seems your sons father SAID ALOT.......they didnt...just cause they said they said those things, does not mean his grandparents DID.

    I would not mention to them ONE BAD thing HE claimed they would call your son. Your son is NOT a bastard honey! HE HAS A FATHER! Just one whom chose by himself not to be involved anymore.

    If you want to chat to them via facebook...maybe speak to them on the phone....ask to meet up so they can see your son.......in a mutual spot....not on their turf.......have a friend or family member with you.........but dont tell your sons father or his wife anything. Its not their business.

    Good luck.
    LilyPondOasis

    Answer by LilyPondOasis at 8:43 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • i was just trying to protect my son i didnt want him around anyone that would talk bad to him or call him names i also didnt want him to hear them calling me names.
    how can i explain this to them and make up for the time that they have missed with him? i feel so stupid for believing my ex and his wife
    i am suppost to meet them on the 6th of oct
    i just dont know how i will be able to explain this? i'm scared that ill start crying i really didnt know
    please help any advise would be welcome
    liadotwtd

    Comment by liadotwtd (original poster) at 8:43 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Be honest with them and if you cry, that is ok. All will work out in the end and that is what you want.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 8:45 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • They probably know how their son is so they might act surprised but deep down will know it's the truth.
    fairyinabubble

    Answer by fairyinabubble at 8:55 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • not telling them wont be a proplem it took me 14 messages in a month to even get his address
    sorry about the horrible grammer i've bben up all night crying
    liadotwtd

    Comment by liadotwtd (original poster) at 8:55 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Just tell them that you made a mistake and you're trying to make up for it now. The first step is reaching out to them. If they ask why just explain to them what happened. He might be their son but I'm sure they know what he's like.
    colethky

    Answer by colethky at 8:58 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Your baby is so beuatiful. What a great job you've been doing all on your own. GL on the 6th. You will be fine. Just bring someone with you that can mentor you along the way if needed. Be strong and be proud.
    mamacita69930

    Answer by mamacita69930 at 9:05 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Ya know, there is no telling Wwhat he told them so that he wouldn't look like the bad guy. "She slept with 3 other guys, that's why I'm not with her/why I'm not bonding." I mean you just don't know. I think you HAVE taken the first step by extending the FB invitation. From now on, just base whether or not you have a relationshiop with them on what you see and how they interract with your son. Obviously they are very proud of your son and want him to be in their lives. You can't trust your ex, his current wife, or his MIL. When you do speak to the grandparents, don't place blame on anyone. That will only cause strife (more than what these evil people already cause) with your ex's parents. Just tell them you feel bad that you believed the lies that you were told, but that ultimately you were protecting your son. They will get that. Good luck and congrats on gaining more family to love your baby! That can never hurt!
    JawgaMom1

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 9:17 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • You didn't mess up! HE did!!! You definatly do need someone with you, for emotional support. I'm sure they will understand that. I do hope you have plans on meeting in an open public place. Neutral place. It's gonna be a bit rocky at first. There's no telling what he's told them. But, remember, he told you some pretty damning things about them, too. Just be yourself, you know who you are. You can't really plan on how this will go, you just have to feel it out. But it will work itself out. It will get easier. It will work out. You did a good thing, contacting them.
    Raine2001

    Answer by Raine2001 at 2:07 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

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