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How do I get my son to change that?

He's a really good kid, easy to parent, he listens, he's quiet, good at sports, good at school etc.. He's really shy and not very outgoing. The thing is, I would like to help him be a little more dynamic.

He apoligizes to me even when he's not done anything wrong, and he also does that with his siblings. He always asks me before he does anything. Like "mom, can I go to my room and play there?"
He knows he's allowed to do it, but he feels the need to ask.

I keep telling him "it's your house too, it's your room, it's the same rules as everybody else has. If your brothers and sisters are allowed to do it why wouldn't you??" and he says "just making sure".

I have 7 kids and none of them are like that. And it's not like he would be afraid of us because we've never hit him and punishing is normal in my house like "a week no video games" and stuff like that.

How can I help him get a little stronger and take initiative?


Answer Question

Asked by mysevenkids at 11:09 AM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,547 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • Is he the youngest, are his siblings bullying him and you're not aware of it? Maybe his telling you and asking you is his way of letting you know where he is. Maybe its his way to get away from others? I would sit down with him and talk about what's bothering him, sounds like something is. Good Luck.


    Answer by emerald53197 at 11:16 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Get him involved with groups that teaches leadership and how to be a young man. Local groups like church, boy scouts or some type of boy camps. Take him to the library and find books on characters that took initiative and did things you think your son should be

    Answer by mekarevell at 11:17 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • There's not way his siblings are bullying him. He loves spending time with his older siblings and he gets along great with his twin brother. And he's really protective of his little sister..

    Comment by mysevenkids (original poster) at 11:23 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I like some ot the other suggestions & you should try them. Some kids are just "pleasers" With 7 kids in the house, Im sure things can get chaotic. Maybe that is his way of bringing a little peace & order to his slice of the world. Youre lucky to have such a well-rounded young man. :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 11:27 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Is this something he has always done or just started? Where in the birth order does he fall? Having asked that I would say to continue the positive reinforcement, always praising him for things he excels in. Depending on his age involving him in household responsibilities that he is confident in doing. Giving him as many opportunities as you can for decision making activities and reinforcing his positive decision skills. Also depending on his age putting him in charge for short periods of time of one of his younger siblings may help him to become more confident in making decisions. I am by no means a professional, but as a mother of 6, these are the things I would try.

    Answer by thismamacooks at 11:32 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Thank you so much mrsmom110.. I think so too.

    And thank you all for your help!

    Comment by mysevenkids (original poster) at 11:32 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • thismamacooks great ideas!

    He's my 6th kid, he's 3 minutes younger than he's twin and we're expecting a new baby on the 1st of October so I guess that would be a good chance to get him involved.

    Comment by mysevenkids (original poster) at 11:35 AM on Sep. 26, 2010

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