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Everything I explain leads to an argument.

My fiance and I look at things VERY differently. I try to explain to him my point of view, or how things really work and it always ends up in an arguement and then i just get "I'm done, I don't want to talk about it." Majority of the time it's about something really important, like finances or things like that." I don't know what to do to get the topic taken care of and move on. Has anyone else ever had this problem?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:06 PM on Oct. 21, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • I had this problem with an ex...I even tried explaining it in different ways in case I was coming across agressive or wrong. NOTHING WORKED.

    Maybe try writing it down so he can read it. He cant argue with a letter...and he can talk to you once he knows your feelings and concerns.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:08 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • well your not married yet and i would reconsider marrying someone who doesn't share with you the same beliefs or can see your point of view in things. my hubby and i talked about what we expected and how we felt about money issues and raising our kids and the kids i have from previous divorce. so you should do that and then decide if you can marry someone that is so opposite as you in beliefs.me and hubby's mind think alike that he could be texting me or me him and we were just thinking the same thing. this happens all the time with us or if we see something we have the same feeling about it. it's weird but it's cool too.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 4:29 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I always say "sandwhich it" when people are having communication problems. You give one positive, the negative, then another positive. You never start it with the word "you" either. It has a negative context when you're trying to have a serious convo. And try and use the wors "we, us, both, together" so you can both be a part of the solution. Start out "honey, I really appreciate the beautiful new earings you got me. I love them. However, I really feel like it is important that WE discuss our finances together to make sure WE are both on the same page and understand the plan. This is something I really feel we need to work on together, do you have any thoughts on how to make this work? I would love to hear your input."
    LovinEveryDay

    Answer by LovinEveryDay at 4:38 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • my husband hates it when i talk about money - so i told him that if we cant discuss something this important - then i will take over the finances and he needs to ask me when he can spend money - i tried the whole $100 max a month but he spent it every month - where i would only spend it if necessary and have left over at the end of the month -
    vakatia

    Answer by vakatia at 4:48 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • he sounds like he wants control, date him until you see if he out grows his immaturity and if he doesn't dump him and find someone more like you are.
    1countrygal

    Answer by 1countrygal at 4:55 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Sadly men need to feel like they are the man and wear the pants. By you "telling him how it's done" he may be very put off by this. Your way might very well be the right way, but you have to find a way to be strategic in your approach so that he agrees with your way of doing it, without him feeling like you call all the shots. I know it sounds crazy, but men's ego's are so fragile. Try it and see what happens.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 4:58 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Yes lol. Everytime I explain something I'm "bitching". Then if I explain it in my nice voice I'm being sarcastic. I've just learned to say what I need to say and he can take it how he wants. He eventually sees my point sooner or later anyway lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • This is my life! DH and I have been together almost 12 years, and I think there are just fundamental differences in the way men and women see/understand things. Maybe trying a diofferent approach? We did the "What I'm hearing" game, where you say what you are trying to say, then he repeats it back to you as he heard it. ("What I heard you say was......is that what you meant?) You keep going back and forth until you can discuss. I know my DH gets stuck on specific words, then becomes "deaf" to the rest of what I'm saying...

    Maybe ask him to help agree on a time to talk too? That way you are both in the right frame of mind, ready to talk and listen.
    Good luck!
    LiteBrite415

    Answer by LiteBrite415 at 5:24 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Oh, sounds like you are talking about MY life!

    I agree with the "sandwich" post. I have been married for 10 years and it took 8 to learn about sandwich. Always start with a positive, insert a negative and finish with a positive. It works great. And do not act like you are accussing him of something! If you can, find a way to compare yourself (I had to do this with the whole "Stop running the debit card into the ground! talk with my husband - I used myself as an example of how I had forgotten a charge here or there, blah, blah).

    Make sure you are both ready to talk, like adults. Ummm... I know there is more but I have a 2 year old tugging on me. LOL Good luck!
    momof3inTN

    Answer by momof3inTN at 9:29 AM on Oct. 22, 2008

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