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2 Bumps

i just got married and my 10 yr old doesnt want to try to get along with now her stepdad, what can i do to help the situation??

Answer Question
 
Heather0583

Asked by Heather0583 at 5:19 PM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 5 (75 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Nothing. You can't force it or things will only get worse. All he can do is be there for her, respect her and show her how much she means to him- she'll eventually come around.

    IhartU

    Answer by IhartU at 5:21 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Did they get along before the marriage? When you marry and have kids, you kids need to be included on the decisions to add another person to their family. Maybe your daughter didn't get enough time to adjust to having a new dad so she's upset about it.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:21 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Try reading the book How to Talk So Kids Will Listen

    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:24 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Sounds like some family therapy might be in order.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 5:24 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • When a new person comes into your life, your child may end up feeling like you won't love them as much anymore. What was the situation between you and her father? How did it affect her? Was their a huge issue with her not liking this man before marriage? Does this new man treat your daughter well? These and plenty more questions need to be asked. Family therapy I also agree would be good for your daughter as well. When a child is introduced to a new situation they don't always handle it well and instead of talking of their feelings they act out. I think if the issue was going on before marriage maybe you should have waited and helped you child with her emotional issue with it first. But now that the marriage has already happened, you really need to make sure your daughter has lots of positive time with mom and therapy to help her express her feelings.
    jroseh68

    Answer by jroseh68 at 5:39 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • You can't force her to like him. You should have know that she didn't like him before you got married. Kids first!
    Leigh519121

    Answer by Leigh519121 at 7:08 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Kids do come first to a certain extent, but when they turn 18 they are out the door. I recently had the same situation. So I know where you are coming from. There is nothing you can do to help the situation between the two of them. Make sure there is no arguing around her, she needs to know that she is stable. I don't know if her dad is still in the picture.... Do not allow her to be disrespectful to either you or her stepdad. Allow him to have say so as well, do NOT be over protective, this really hurts the relationship and could destroy you all, speaking from experience. Talk to him and have him take her to eat, movies, things she likes to do and things he likes to do. Eventually she'll come around. Listen to her, allow time for mommy daughter time as well. This will make her feel comfortable as well, this is her time to talk and you to listen, try to come up with positive solutions that all are involved in.
    caromarie

    Answer by caromarie at 5:58 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Not a darn thing sweetie. Just try to listen and give her space. It will happen if she sees that he loves her and is respectful of her mother and herself. This is just something you'll have to ride out. Let her know that you won't tolerate her being disrespectful to your DH either, though. If she has a concern about him, she can talk to you about it and you really will listen and not judge her or get mad at her. She just can't be allowed to be "mean" to him. Remember that a whole lot of alone time with mom will probably be necessary to reinforce that you still love her:-)
    shellakers

    Answer by shellakers at 12:47 AM on Oct. 3, 2010

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