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What to do?

My boyfriend was promoted at work several months ago, and hates his job more now than he did pre-promotion. Because of the added stress, he is almost always in a bad mood, stressed out, or defensive. At times it feels like walking on eggshells with him. He tells me it has nothing to do with me (his mood), and that when he is upset/bothered by something, he shuts down. I know that this for a fact is true, so I can understand that part of it. But lately, to me, it seems like he complains about things I do. Like, he seems to always expect me to be in a good mood. Maybe to help counter his bad one. And he told me today that I occasionally got on his nerves and complained. I know he was just being honest, but it hurt my feelings. Should I take this personally? Attribute it to the fact that his work stress is making him unhappy with himself overall? Or assume he is unhappy with me?

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countrygirl1987

Asked by countrygirl1987 at 7:50 PM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (364 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • i know it's hard. sometimes when my husband has a horrible day at work, he doesn't realize that he's being hurtful to me. i'm sure he's not doing it on purpose, but it still hurts.

    if your boyfriend is that unhappy with his job, can he look for a new one?
    MommyToEthan

    Answer by MommyToEthan at 7:53 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • At the moment, no. He's a supervisor in that position, and doesn't think he'll be able to find a job that offers the hours/health insurance he needs right now.
    countrygirl1987

    Comment by countrygirl1987 (original poster) at 7:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I would talk to him about it. Let him know how you feel. I wouldn't assume anything. It is safer to not assume.
    justduckie_mom

    Answer by justduckie_mom at 7:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • He is reacting normally to stress on the job. However he does have responsibility toward you, also. You should probably expect that he won't be all sunshine right now, but when he is rude to you, gently and lovingly tell him that you love him and that he may not know he is doing it, but he is hurting your feelings. I wonder if he should have his resume out for a different job. Ask him if he has given thought to what to do about the bad conditions where he works.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 8:05 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I would just calmly talk to him. Let him know how his remarks and mood makes you feel. Is there a way he could take like 10-15 minutes when he gets home to de-stress. Leave the work stress at work?? I've heard it works. I know it would be hard, but YOU and your KIDS can't live like that. It's not your fault, and you know that, but that does not make it easier. :( I have been there, and it stinks! I hope you guys can work out a system or a plan! :)
    mom2maddie06

    Answer by mom2maddie06 at 12:14 AM on Oct. 2, 2010

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