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6 Bumps

Asking my son to leave the house or not!?!?!?!

My son is 18, and it has been a series of drugs, parties, drinking and girls in my house over the last 6 months. Behind our backs and with out permission. He has no respect for me or his step father. Three nights ago, we had an argument about this and him not obeying the rules and he left the house and didn’t come home until today. When he did return, he was very disrespectful to myself and my husband. He is in his last year of high school and we don’t want to ask him to leave but we cant see any other way. When is it time to say if you don’t respect us and our rules, there is the door.

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redrose2_21

Asked by redrose2_21 at 7:50 PM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (22)
  • Now is the time to say "respect us or hit the door". He's 18, and he's of adult age, and if he want to do drugs and party, then he do it elsewhere. You're doing what you can to raise your child, but sometimes as parents, we have to say we've done all we can. Tell him to get it together, respect you and your husband, or hit the door.
    ambr2006

    Answer by ambr2006 at 7:54 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I don't believe in allowing children to live at home past 18-19 in the first place. I don't believe it's a good start to their adult life. If they are full time students or something similar, that's different, but if not, I think they should be out on their own. In your case, he obviously has no respect for you or your home and therefore shouldn't be there. I would simply tell him to find a new place and give him a date to be out by... It may sound harsh, but it will force him to sink or swim... Most kids swim when they have to. It could be the best thing for him.
    SabrinaMBowen

    Answer by SabrinaMBowen at 7:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • You seem to know is using drugs. He needs help. You are all he has. Do everything possible to help him. Send him to rehab. I mean everything. If he dies you will not have the opportunity to help. Drugs is a disease. If he had cancer you would do whatever necessary and possible to save him. You might not like his behavior, but you love him. Do not let the drugs kill him.
    tootoobusy

    Answer by tootoobusy at 7:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Well I really think it would be best for him if you didn't kick him out until he was out of high school, otherwise he may not finish. Does he work?
    Liz132

    Answer by Liz132 at 7:55 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Maybe instead of just "kicking him out" (which I'm sure will break your heart on some level), maybe you can see about getting him into rehab and therapy. Maybe after that, things could start to go back to normal and everyone wins. You don't want to see him continue on the path he is on with the drugs and the partying if you kick him out, do you? Or get worse....?
    Indyk

    Answer by Indyk at 7:58 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • More background info because I think this could be handled a few different ways depending on the whole situation. Do you provide for him? Meaning does he live there free, do you pay for his car, gas, any other bills? If so stop now. Begin charging rent. Tell him if he brings drugs in your home your calling the police. If he does, call the police. I know it will result in a record but sometimes you have to have a major wake up call. Basically treat him as NILF (Nothing in life is free). He needs to pay for his rent, his utilities, his food. If he's working and doing school he has no time to act like a jackass.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 8:00 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • i guess I should clear that up. He is not doing drugs, he just thinks its alright to have partys here and let his friends do drugs at my house. We give him drug tests because I would have kicked him out if he was on anything. And yes he has a job.
    redrose2_21

    Comment by redrose2_21 (original poster) at 8:03 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • If you don't want to kick him out until he finishes high school and he is refusing to respect you and your house rules I'd call the non-emergency police number and let dispatch know you need a car if one is available. You have an 18 y.o. son who is doing drugs and attending illegal drinking parties behind your back. He'll get the hint your serious about being obedient when they show up to give him a talk'in too. I'm a single mom of an 18 year. I'd be damn if my son railroaded my in such a manner in my own home. He knows were the door is at if he ever does anything close to what your son is doing. Set up rules and boundaries. if he breaks them the first time, he can leave. He'll figure it out for himself. If he thinks he such a smarts ass then let him go and try to be a smart ass out in the real world.
    lioness3e

    Answer by lioness3e at 8:05 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Kick him out...he is disrespecting you and that is reason enough.
    momof3josephs

    Answer by momof3josephs at 8:06 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Ok tell him if he wants to have parties at your house your charging an extra fee for the space. If you went and rented a space to have a party how much would it cost? Plus clean up too. Make it all about commerce. If he can afford it, he can have it. If not he doesn't get it. If he goes behind your back and does it anyway I'd be kicking him out at that point. Or putting him over my knee and giving him a sound spanking, because that that point he'd be acting like a toddler.
    SalemWitchChild

    Answer by SalemWitchChild at 8:07 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

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