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Dealing w/ a Racist Family

My parents and only sibling are racist and they don't hide it. I have warned them again and again to watch what they say and especially not use the "N word" around my 4 year old daughter.

We went out of state (OH to SC...they moved from OH to SC in 2006) to visit for five days. Throughout the visit, the "N word" would be said and I'd raise a fit. Finally I told them if I heard it again in front of DD, we would pack up and leave immediately.

This morning we woke up, packed up the car, and then sat on the back porch with my parents to visit before we headed out for the 10+ hour drive back home. My mom said the "N word" and I told her she needed to stop it. Then she said it again and I got up and said "We're leaving" and we left.

Got an e-mail from my father after getting home saying that basically I'm being ridiculous because that's a generational thing and it's just how they are and I need to accept it.



Asked by AllAboutKeeley at 9:18 PM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 33 (59,731 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • I don't care that my children are hearing it at school the parents of those children should have raised them better. YOur her grandparents and should be teaching her respect for anothers and not using such a dirty word..

    That is all I would say.. Racist people are jsut closed minded and never will change there ways, I can't stand them but we live in a world where they will be around sadly making comments infront of our children,. All we can do is teach them not to say hurtful things to others ..

    Answer by Claudiomom at 9:21 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I am proud of you for objecting to that word and for leaving. That is unacceptable to use the word, unacceptable for her to use it in front of your daughter and to not take you seriously.

    Answer by gertie41 at 9:32 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • My Dad did that to me 2..I feel like this is a different time and they should respect the way we wish to raise our children.

    Answer by LMSalunke at 9:35 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • Good for you for getting your daughter out of that situation! I grew up in ghettosville and I actually didn't hear the "N" word that often. They should at least respect their granddaughter enough and keep their mouth shut so she doesn't pick up on the bigot ways. My husband likes to say the "N" word as well and I slap him every time. I don't want to hear it and I don't want my kids saying it. When my 2 yr old said it one time, he started to keep his mouth shut around her. She hasn't said it but that one time thank goodness.

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 9:46 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • sweetie,if your not racist,then you need to pack your things and daughters and move, what you have decribed in your family,it seems their not goin to change,but GOD still does miricales,prayer is powerfull

    Answer by mosy at 10:01 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • My kids were never allowed to use the "N" word. When my son was 9 or 10, his best friend was black. I was taking them somewhere and his friend said "I hate when people use the "N" word. " My son said "Nerd?". Never felt prouder. Oh, and my family also knew I did not like it used and never missed the opportunity to use it in front of me. I just had to make sure my kids understood I would not accept them saying it and why. And yes, even at 4 years old, they can understand there are words that are not acceptable. Don't overreact when they say them, just explain that you don't like that word and don't want her to use it. If you make a big deal out of it, she'll learn to use it as a reactionary (just to get to you).

    Answer by marshalynn67 at 10:19 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • My dh's family is like this. We don't talk like this and I'm not going have my children exposed to this. When they start I move the kids! I think you did the right thing, and really, THEY should be the ones to realize they need to change for the sake of their grandchildren.

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:19 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • My in laws and my mom use the n word and I just give a funny look and look away. I change the subject. They sense my disapproval but once in a while I'll say something to keep the mood light, like whoa! Or my goodness!

    Answer by BluDog at 2:47 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • They also like to say that she's going to hear the "N word" and worse at school, so I shouldn't be upset about them saying it.

    Comment by AllAboutKeeley (original poster) at 9:18 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • the funny thing is black people say it to each other all the time. they should stop saying it to each other.

    Answer by lambdarose at 9:51 PM on Sep. 26, 2010