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Am I a horrible mother?

Ok, I posted this in the money and work section too but I'd like to get as much feedback as possible.

My son is 4 months old, and I work full-time [usually like 45 hours/week] to keep up with the rent and the bills. My boyfriend also works 44 hours a week and we are just getting by. We make too much money for foodstamps or TANF but have NO leftover money for anything and I only see my son for TWO HOURS a day!!! We get up @ 9 and I have to drop him off at daycare by 11:30 and I don't get home from work until 11 and he's asleep by then, and we do it all over again. I feel like such a terrible mother and I wonder what he's thinking when I'm never there...I guess this is just more of a vent than a question, but what to you think about my situation?

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AidensMommy608

Asked by AidensMommy608 at 7:45 PM on Oct. 21, 2008 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 6 (140 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • You gotta do what you gotta do....Working doesn't make you a horrible mother at all. Have you considered not working though? A lot of people find that their income is almost all going to daycare....that may be an option. Also, a lot of working mothers choose to co-sleep because it gives a few more hours of closeness....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • You do what you have to do. I admire that you are working so hard to support him. Maybe try waking up earlier and try to spend time with him then and then there is always your days off. Unfortunately this country is one that does not make it easily possible for there to be a SAH parent, there are many moms in your situation. You are not a horrible mom.
    Natsnumberthree

    Answer by Natsnumberthree at 7:54 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • I think this is very sad. I dont think you are a bad mom, but your son needs to be around you a lot more. In my opinion, you need to work something out. It may not be easy or ideal, but get creative... try changing jobs, or working seperate shifts from your boyfriend. Good luck.
    LovinMyMikayla

    Answer by LovinMyMikayla at 7:55 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • Working less isn't an option....we wouldn't be able to afford to live. we have relatively cheap daycare....and I can't find a job where I'd be making as much money with different hours. :(
    AidensMommy608

    Answer by AidensMommy608 at 7:58 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • You aren't a terrible mom...you are a working mother. With the economy like it is it makes it extremely hard for middle class families to make ends meet. Maybe there are some things that you can cut back on so you don't have to work so long. Maybe get the cable turned off and only watch basic channels. Can you do without internet? Some people don't have home phones any more and only use cell phones. Those are just a FEW suggestions. Simplifying can help reduce the amount of money needed to support your family and you get more time with kids that way.

    AvasMommy810

    Answer by AvasMommy810 at 8:01 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • He's not old enough to remember this. You are being a responsible parent, try not to feel bad.
    myboogiewoogie

    Answer by myboogiewoogie at 8:01 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • If your feeling guilty it's probably a sign that you need to rethink things. No your not a terrible mom. I've seen terrible moms you are being responsible and making sure your child is taken care of. It's what you have to do right now.
    Keep looking for other jobs. Also consider looking at your budget, if you stop working (or worked less or from home) what expenses would go away? Gas money? Daycare? Buying lunch every day? I'm lucky enough to be a SAHM but it takes a lot of budgeting to make it work.
    RiverDaughter

    Answer by RiverDaughter at 8:24 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • i totally feel your pain because as soon as my maternity leave is over i am right there with ya lady.. so no you aren't a bad mom.. i might look into an opposite schedule of my husband but then that poses the issue of never seeing the SO.. sigh.. it's a no win.. just know that your baby and your boyfriend appreciate your hard work.
    Keri77

    Answer by Keri77 at 8:32 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • well, I am there with you honey, I see my son for an hour in the morning and 1 hour after I pick him up at night - I treasure my weekends, that's all we can do right now - hopefully it gets better but right now, it is the way it has to be.
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 9:14 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

  • There is a lot that I am sacrificing so that I can be with my newborn and my 8 yr. old little girl. One thing that I am doing right now so that I can make money and spend time with my children is I'm working at home with a company that is 21 yrs old and has an impeccable record with the Better Business Bureau. If you want to know more about this so that you may give it a try just let me know. Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
    purecity

    Answer by purecity at 11:14 PM on Oct. 21, 2008

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