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3 Bumps

how should i respond?

my first child was 1 month old when i kicked his biological father out ( due to alcohol and drugs) and since he was 2 1/2 yrs (now 7) old he had considered my husband as his father just yesterday his "sperm donor" contacted me saying "thanks for all the hatred its made me a stronger man" but never did he once ask about his son. I'm so full of rage for this man all i want to do is tell him off and demand child support (since i now know where he lives thanks to facebook) but is it wrong of me to want to keep my son from know him.


Asked by veronicamw at 11:29 PM on Sep. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 9 (318 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • If I were you, don't let him get to you. Obviously since he didn't even mention his own son, he still doesn't care. It doesn't sound like he's "grown up." I wouldn't worry about your son knowing, since he already thinks that your husband is his father. I'd leave things the way they are, it would be the best for all of you. You've moved on with your life, that's all that matters. For the record, my daughter's father left when she was three, and he's never wanted anything to do with her. He wanted back in her life a couple of times, but she didn't want him back. She only thinks of him as a "sperm donor." I wouldn't tell your son though, the best thing you can do is let him be happy with what he's got, you and your husband.

    Answer by amessageofhope at 11:56 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • i would just let it be..why put your son threw all of that drama its going to cause...i would terminate his rights and be completely rid of him...after all it doesnt seem like hes at all worried of show any concern about your son

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 11:35 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I think you would be wasting your time to even respond to him. Sounds like you had your child's best interests in mind when you booted him. I would wait until the guy asks or your son does. If the Bio father does ask I would tell him to go to a lawyer. It just isn't healthy to have someone in and out of a child's life, and it doesn't sound like he gives a hoot anyways. GL :)

    Answer by young-not-dumb at 11:37 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • if he didnt ask about him or anything i dont see a problem. he is keeping himself away from his son.

    Answer by jennifer588 at 11:31 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • No, you have that right. He didn't ask about his son, so to me he doesn't want anything to do with your son. As far as it is, your husband is his DAD!!!

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:39 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • i've been through this respond to him would be opening a can of worms...he could then want more JUST TO SPITE custody or access....and then you'd have to go through the courts...think about he the kind of man you want your child to spend alone-time with ? if you're answer is no, then you could be spending lots of time in court ! i would just let it all go...ignore it....

    Answer by FXmomTo3 at 11:41 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • And I would not worry about how your ds might react in the future. I grew up without a mom. I guess she tried to contact me a few times when I was growing up but my dad wouldn't tell me...because he was trying to protect me. I didn't understand when I was a kid but as I got older I got it. My dad saw her hurt me (emotionally) so many times when I was little that he didn't want me to get hurt anymore. And now as an adult I am so glad he did. I'm sure your son might be confused at first but he would come to understand that you had his best interest in mind.

    Answer by sammyjo1327 at 12:08 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • No, right now you have every right to make that decision. Honestly, it would just confuse your son further, it sounds like a bunch of drama that a seven year old need not be involved in. Your husband is his Dad, when your son is 18 he can make the decisions for himself if he wants to know him.Right now, thats all you and dont forget to involve your husband in this too, its his feelings as well.

    Answer by LogansMama09 at 11:38 PM on Sep. 26, 2010

  • I have this same problem. I would let it be. Don't try to contact him, especially about child support. I made the mistake of filing for child support. Now his SD (sperm donor) has visitation every other weekend and I have no choice but to let him have my ds (who is a pot head but I can't "prove" it). And still don't receive the child support I'm owed. TRUST ME it is more hassle than it's worth. Not to mention it is VERY hard on the child.

    Answer by sammyjo1327 at 12:01 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • im just worried about how my son will feel down the road to know i could keep something like this from him will he lose all faith in the truth over this will he always be second guessing me when i tell him something

    Comment by veronicamw (original poster) at 11:48 PM on Sep. 26, 2010