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Who here is taking care of an older parent?

Do they live with you? How are you dealing with that?
Are they disabled or need special care? Do you have outside help?
Are there other siblings that can help and do they?
Do you have to foot the bill for their stay? (room and board) or do they help out with expenses.

Answer Question
 
Roadfamily6now

Asked by Roadfamily6now at 12:13 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Parenting Debate

Level 23 (17,767 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I am not taking care of my parent, but my mom and I care for my Grandmother and My disabled Aunt. They both have their own apartments, get disability and SSI (I believe). The money pretty much pays their own bills. My Grandma has emphysema, COPD and has had strokes, gets tired VERY easily, walks with a walker. My aunt was born with CP, she can walk and talk, but it is much harder for her and takes a lot longer. Most people can't understand her when she talks. She is usually in an electric chair-- she's a fall risk!

    My mom has 3 sisters (1 lives in Arkansas, 1 right here in town, and then the one with CP), She also has a brother (lives here in town), but for the most part we are the ones that take care of them. I go over everyday and cook, clean, help them do daily things. Them my mom is the medical/money person. She writes out checks to pay bills, sets up dr appts., fills pill boxes, and basically is in charge....
    mom2maddie06

    Answer by mom2maddie06 at 12:23 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • my dad died in 1995 at 91yrs and coming from family of 14kids ,my dad was able to die in his home,in 2000 my mom past away and she to was able to live in her home till the end,we each took care of our parents ,they where there for us no matter what through sickness and in health it our job as kids is to look after our parents,but there is a time where as kids can handle our parents or have the means to take care of them so they ask for help ,but you forget about them that is not called for at all
    dutchcanadain

    Answer by dutchcanadain at 12:25 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Cont. from above...
    If you ask me, my mom has the hard job. She works full time and then helps with them. There are 5 kids (my mom and her sibs) but she does not get help from the other ones... She sometimes has to take charge and step over that Mother-daughter-boundary line and tell her mom what to do or what she SHOULD do. (She's hard headed and does not always listen to my mom! lol)
    It's really hard, harder than it sounds actually! But, what other choice do you have?
    You can message me if you have questions.
    mom2maddie06

    Answer by mom2maddie06 at 12:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I help to care for my parents. They live in a mother-in-law's apartment in the back of our home. We cover all of the bills except for the cell phone and the cable. They can do everything for themselves when it comes to day to day stuff, but when it comes to medical thats where I come in. They have both had heart problems and both have had valve replacements, so there are alot of DR appts to go to and I go to make sure everything is taken care of and up to date. It can be kind of crazy with a 2 year old tagging along. My sister does what she can to help, but she has 4 girls from 10-1 and they keep her VERY busy. Although it can get crazy around the house, it's wonderful to have my parents so close and my boys adore them and they adore my boys.
    dmbutler

    Answer by dmbutler at 12:31 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • i care for my father who is disabled. its stressful at times but i gotta do what i gotta do :) their is no outside help, he lives with me i have 3 other sisters who are under 15 so they cannot care for him. my parents are seperated, and my mom just got diagnosed with cancer, so im not sure if i will end up taking care of her too.
    VERONICAS_MOM

    Answer by VERONICAS_MOM at 12:38 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I love what Dutchcanadian wrote! SO true! Our parents took care of us growing UP....we should care for them if need be, growing older.

    Stay strong all of you whom ARE taking care of your parents.......you will definitely earn angel wings from above!
    LilyPondOasis

    Answer by LilyPondOasis at 12:56 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • We're just about done building a home for my mom (sadly my dad died in June, but it would have been for the both of them). I grew up in a PA Dutch family, with strong Amish/Mennonite influences. I agree completely with dutchcanadian ~ kids should care for their parents just as those parents cared for them when it becomes necessary.

    I don't think it's wrong to seek outside help or make use of hospitals/rehabs for medical necessities, but if you had parents that loved and cared for you it is wrong to dump them in a home somewhere just so your life isn't inconvenient. We aren't 'well off', but this is what both DH and I believe is the right thing to do.
    Farmlady09

    Answer by Farmlady09 at 9:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My mom has been caring for my grandma since grandpa died in 1989. Grandma lived on her own for a few years, and mom was always there helping out. Grandma then lived with my mom for 10 years.


    Currently she is in a nursing home, for she had to have her leg amputated due to infection 2 years back. My mom works FT and just cannot have grandma in her home. She needs 24/7 assistance. My mom still visits often, does her laundry, handles her shopping. The home is paid for by grandma'sSS checks. It is VERY STRESSFUL on my mom though. My mom's sister moved out of state after grandpa died, so my mom has pretty much done the care giving alone. For that she has grown resentment towards her sister.

    KairisMama

    Answer by KairisMama at 12:06 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My mother is 75 and has lived with me for 15 years. She is quite self-sufficient and does a lot around the house. She gardens, cooks, helps with my sons, etc. We pay all of her living expenses and her SSI is her money. She uses it for what-ever she sees fit. She likes to cook so she goes to the grocery store often and spends a good bit of it there. Usually, I go to her bank and make a deposit to cover that, but from time to time, she asks me not to. It makes her feel good to contribute financially. She has virtually no health issues, save for dizzy spells once in a blue moon, but she is terribly forgetful. Not Alzheimers forgetful, but forgetful enough. Is it hard having her here? Sometimes. Would I change it? Never. My mother never turned me away growing up. She was there for me no matter what. She is part of our household and I wouldn't have it any other way. By the way, I'm the baby of 5 children.
    aubie1170

    Answer by aubie1170 at 1:21 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • My MIL has early Alzheimer's and we go quarterly and pay all the bills ahead of time and manage the prescription refills and home maintenance, My husband and his sister now owns all of their properties and cars. We do have family friends and extended relatives that live nearby so there is someone with them weekly to see how things are going. I have offered to move them near us but they won't leave their residence. My father is terminal and has since turned over everything to me and my sister, he is still managing his care and my mom helps him, luckily my 2 siblings who live close take care of alot for them. I have also offered to move them here, but they won't leave the house they've lived in for over 50 years. We've been fortunate to not have to daily care for any of them or provide housing, but I offered to both sets of parents at the immediate onset when the illnesses were known.

    jewjewbee

    Answer by jewjewbee at 7:44 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

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