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2 Bumps

Would you date a guy you're not physically attracted to?

Do you (or did you) choose a man for logical reasons such as career, stability, kindness, or for emotional reasons such as "connection," physical attraction, excitement?
The reason I ask is that all the guys I've wanted to date are very good looking and sexy but have never turned out to be good family guys. They are usually addicts, or emotionally unavailable. I've gone out on two dates with this guy I met online who is extremely skinny, unattractive and seems inexperienced with dating. He's smart, working on a Phd in the same field I'm in, interesting to talk to, super nice, interested in me and interested in my kids. Yet it's hard for me to muster the energy to call him or plan another date with him because I'm simply not physically attracted to him. Is there something wrong with me? Should I see him again anyway, or let him go? Is it possible for a 30 yr old single mom to find a man who has everything?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:48 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • My dh is shorter than me, white, a little chubby and my type of guys are taller than me, black and skinny. So yes, I married a guy that I wasn't physically attracted at first but he is the most amazing and wonderful guy I have ever met. He is a gentleman, he was/is sweet with my daughter, hard worker and love me with all his heart. All those thing are more important to me than being my "type" of guy.

    Answer by sweetyazfl at 12:53 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • You have to look for a guy that loves himself enough to know how to love others, and not be a narcissist. If all he talks about is himself, move on. Your best bet is someone that you can talk about or do anything with, and he will never judge you. We all have baggage when we enter a relationship, so it's important to be willing to forgive those things about him that you'd want forgiven about yourself. If you can be his friend, it will last a lifetime. If it's just the chemistry, it's lust, and the flames will dwindle over time.

    Answer by Angelwolf130 at 12:55 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • yes i would..only bcause if what i was attracted to keep turning out to be the wrong everytime then i would for that needle in the haystack

    Answer by FreeSpriT4eva at 12:56 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Wow, where do I begin? You sound a lot like me. The guys I've been attracted to turn out to be for the most part, losers. The guys I have the most in common with like your self, do not appeal to me physically. If you can't muster up the feelings to make another date, then don't waste anyone's time by stringing him along. He'll just feel used, and that's a crummy feeling. Just be friends, eventually he'll fade away. Yes, there is someone out there for everyone. Don't be in a hurry. Take this time to work on yourself while you're alone & looking.

    Answer by Abytome at 12:56 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I personally don't believe in a guy who has everything... but I guess stranger things have happened. My first husband was the nice guy. He was my best friend. I married him because I was following my brain and he was a logical choice. I divorced him because I wanted a chance at love (the whole princess package). If I could go back in time... I would stick with my logical choice. I craved the romance and attraction but the pain that came with it just wasn't worth it. That's only my experience though... I've read about women that find attraction and friendship... so it's probably possible.

    Answer by inthepit at 12:57 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I always dated guys that became attractive to me because of their other qualities. Now I am married to a man I find attractive on ALL levels. Play the field, you never know!

    Answer by BluDog at 2:16 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • it's tough. i go for the connection, always... and usually end up in the same boat, wasting my time and then dumping a pervert, addict, psycho, loser or bum. but! i figure if there's no connection, what does it matter if he's a "great guy"? i'm not shallow (honestly, most guys i've dated are ugly, but the important thing to me is that I'M attracted to them).

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 2:58 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Nope. I couldn't imagine being with someone I wasn't physically attracted to.

    Answer by Scuba at 8:40 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I followed my heart. I still love the man I married, but it hasn't been without it's issues! But I am still physically attracted to him after all this time. If this guy doesn't light your fire, then you should move on. You will find the right man eventually!

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 2:10 PM on Sep. 28, 2010

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