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4 Bumps

Baby Funeral

My friend went into labor and delivered her baby at 20 weeks gestation, and unfortunately the baby didn't make it. Is it considered inappropriate to take "babies" to an infants funeral? I have a 20 month old and a 10 month old that I'm not sure I'll be able to find sitters for. I want to be there for her and show I care, but at the same time I don't want to rub the fact that I have two healthy babies in her face. What should I do?

Answer Question
 
lilmizzie27

Asked by lilmizzie27 at 1:18 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 6 (150 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • wow... umm thats a tough one and so sweet of you to consider her feelings like that. Honestly I dont think in her time of grieving that she will have any harsh feelings towards you for bringing your babys. But if you want to be absolutely sure maybe you could talk to your friend before the funeral and simply tell her that you want to be there for her as much as possible and cant possible understand how she feels and that its really important for you to be by her side through this tragic ordeal. And at some point ask her if you dont have a sitter would she mind if you brought your babies. You can even play it off like your simply concerned that the babies might get fussy and cry and you dont want any interuptions during the service.And if she insists that the babies will not interrupt our that she needs you there no matter what than atleast she is aware and is okay w it. So sorry thoughts and prays go out to het and her lil one
    mymestey

    Answer by mymestey at 1:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • That's not an easy issue but I also think that your friend would not worry about your own children while she is grieving. My brother's friends lost their baby at 4 months old and his fiancee was so hesitant to tell their friend they she herself was pregnant. People grieve differently and react differently to difficult situation that may touch on that pain.
    Anna-Chubaby

    Answer by Anna-Chubaby at 2:21 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I have had several m/c and the sweetest thing that meant the most to me was right after losing my last one in march, my friend was 5months pregnant and she asked me if I still wanted to be involved with baby shopping and stuff like that. I was so touched that she asked me. I didn't want to be left out but no one wanted to bring up anything to do with babies around me, when they did they would have that awkward look on their faces and it made me feel like a freak. I wouldn't go asking her if she wants you to or not, but give her time and bring it up in a month or so if it makes her uncomfortable to talk or hear about babies. As for taking your children to the funeral, I would try my best to find a sitter if I were you. If it were you in her shoes, how would you feel about it? I think it would be devastating to hear a child crying at my baby's funeral. Hopefully you can find a sitter. Best of luck.
    Sonnyswife

    Answer by Sonnyswife at 2:37 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • That is touchy. Maybe you could ask her or someone in her family about their thoughts
    NicolesMommy

    Answer by NicolesMommy at 2:54 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Like PP said I would try to ask her or someone in the family. But I know for other funerals that I've been to bringing my kids seamed to be a good thing, it seamed to bring joy to people. But again this is a funeral for a baby so I'm not sure.
    BUTTERCUP777

    Answer by BUTTERCUP777 at 5:23 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I think you can let her know you are there for her without dragging two kids to a funeral. They don't belong there in any situation.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 12:40 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I don't believe a child should be going to a funeral unless they are old enough to understand or it is a very close relative. So no, find a sitter.
    Leigh519121

    Answer by Leigh519121 at 12:59 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

  • I have a friend who just lost her baby and she said that the babies at the funeral and visiting her aftewards actually made her feel better. She was Thanking the other moms for sharing their babies with her while she was going through it. She held them and played with them and it comforted her.
    hsmominky

    Answer by hsmominky at 1:05 AM on Sep. 28, 2010

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