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not happy with dh...i don't know what to do

( LONG story) i live in a pig sty thanks to hubbie because he just doesn't pick up after himself. he leaves his clothes laying around our living room. if he sees dishes in the sink he doesn't empty the dishwasher unless i ask (because i'm the one who works, and i don't always have time to) and when i ask him, since he's been home all day, how come he didn't do the dishes, he will say "i didn't know if the ones in the dishwasher were dirty or not". well seriously, why can't he open the dish washer and look, it's not rocket science. and then take the initiative to put them away and the dirty ones in the sink in the dish washer?!?!?!
i've stopped using our master bedroom bath because he shaves back there and then leaves the hair all over the sink and floor and i don't want to clean it so i've vacated the premises and now it's just become our DISGUSTING bathroom because it's been just piling up!!

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Asked by pmg1030 at 6:06 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • if i so much as mention that i would like more help around the house he starts in with his "whoa is me" remarks like "yeah, it's all my fault" "i'm the one who's a big mess" "i never do anything" or i'm met with, "well you're the only one who cares that it's clean or not" SO IS IT AT ALL FAIR that i have to clean up after both of us and a dog all by myself just because i don't wan tto live in a pg sty?!?!? we've only been married two years. he was not like this before we got married. he has his own place and always cleaned up his dishes and his hairs after he shaved etc. we want childrem some day but i don't think i really want kids with him if this is what i'm gonna be dealing with! i let the house go until we have company and then it's a huge job for me to clean it! not only this but dh doesn't sleep in bed with me and hasn't since we' got our own place after 6 months of hell living with his mom! he won't do counseling. help

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 6:12 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • don't give up i went through that to with my boyfriendof 4 yrs and i was the one working and he stayed at home with the kids and when i would get home my house would be a mess then i couldn' t o it anymore i figured i should be at home with my kids and he should be tha one working becasue he's tha man suppose to be supporting me and so i quite working and i let him be tha man and now he actually would like clean tha bathroom or even do the dishes or he'll atleast trynow compared to not doing anything before. I know how it is to depend on a man and how good it feels not to but i let my man take a go at it and our relationship is way better i think it is becasue he feels more manly now that he works and supports us financially instead of tha woman taking care of him financially think maybe it boosted his confidence it's wierd like reverse pshycology works great on guys lol try it and good luck

    Answer by ms.busybody5 at 6:31 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • get out and run. You do not need this. This will only get worse having a child because, if he does not help now he will not help with the children. Believe me becoming a mom is a big job in its self. You are going to need help and if you have to work " DOUBLE" hard. Something is wrong with him. Just get out now. My sister lives in hell everyday and she said if she knew what she knows now she would have run. People say they show signs before marriage, well her husband put on a good show. They have so much debt that my sister did not even know about and my poor sister has a MIL from hell. He loves his mommy so much and listens to her over his wife. My sister wants out. So please just divorce. Nobody should have to live like this. It just gets worse.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • I agree with anon... You two do not have any kids together now and it will be 100X's worse once you have them.

    Answer by shanlaree at 7:11 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • hahaha, I'm a clean freak and my husband was busy watching "hunting" on tv. I had asked him repeatedly to do the dishes for a week and he always had excuses. One day I figured I"m just not going to let him walk on me.... so I started smashing the dirty dishes on the floor. He came running in looking like I was a nutbar and asked what the hell I was doing? I told him I was retiring the dishes cause I was sick of looking at them in the sink all the time, it was sad and depressing. I told him I only wanted paper plates from now on. He got scrubbing pretty quickly (on the dishes that were left) and he bought me new dishes later that week and hasn't let them build up ever since. He's scared I'll go crazy lol. hahaha. Sometimes you just gotta act like your off your rocker before he takes you seriously!

    Answer by Sonnyswife at 9:25 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Sonnyswife- that's hilarious and something i've never even considered. maybe i shoul give it a try LOL

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 1:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Once I through my husbands clothes out in the front yard because I was sick of seeing them around the house. Another time I broke dishes like Sonnyswife and another time I started just throwing the trash on the floor. It all worked for us for awhile of course this was after asking for help and trying to talk through it. My husband also worked seasonal work and was home about 6 months out of the year and didn't anything, except hang out with friends. I left eventually and when I did the house was emmaculate and now that I'm home he still helps out. He even does laundry these days. :)

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:33 PM on Sep. 27, 2010

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