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this is a continuation of not happy with dh...

he REFUSES to go to counseling. and whenever i try to tell him how i feel about anything more often than not, i'm "bitching" or "what am i doing wrong now" and i can't make him see that the reason i keep having problems is because the problems in the beginning were never fixed. he would just tell me what i wanted to hear to shut me up and then the problem was never really fixed so they have been piling up. how can make him see that there are real problems here? i feel like everything's okay as long as i keep my mouth shut but inside i'm festering and upset with him and i don't know what to do :(

 
pmg1030

Asked by pmg1030 at 6:17 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Level 14 (1,514 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue is supposedly very good. You could at least read it. And there is a workbook that goes with it. Perhaps your DH would be willing to listen to some of it.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 8:08 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Sounds like to me he doesn't give a rat's patootie whether you're happy or not as long as he don't have to get off his ass.

    Life is too short to deal with somebody like that girl, know what I mean? Do what it takes to make you happy.
    Gremlyn1980

    Answer by Gremlyn1980 at 6:24 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • sounds like hes depressed...maybe bc he doesnt work? I dont know I agree with you I wouldnt put up with that crap either...start making him a to do list and handing directly to him before you leave for work..when you get home if its not done say ok fine Im leaving and go out for a few hours to get something to eat or to a store anything to get him to thinking...If you are not there to keep emptying the dishwasher and do things for him hopefully eventually he will get the point...
    jorjiegirl

    Answer by jorjiegirl at 6:36 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • You atleast need to go and speak with someone. If he isn't willing to fix the problems and face them head on that doesn't mean you can face them and deal with them head on. If he isn't will to put a 110% into fixing this marriage then you go and do what you have to do and if he never does then maybe you may have to give him a choice stay and fix things or lave and don't let the door kick you ass on the way out. GL Don't allow him to stop you from fixing the issues that you have to deal with cause they are eating you up inside. GL momma keep your head up, your strong women remember that.
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 6:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Ugh um kindda going through the same thing like he we'd talk about it and things would go great for about a week or 2 but then things would go right back to where it started and I useually keep my mouth shut when I want to say something about out relationship. But I actually found this new tactic lol I went to a counceler my self and she actually gave me anti-depresent pills!! Lol so I wentto my momand got some advice and she told me to ignor him lol yes u can make lunch and dinner but don't talk to him unless he asks a question or something ya know? Soo i tiarally was at my whitts with him and I actually tryed what my mom told me to do ..... with the pills lol only for confidence lol and let me tell you my dh opens up to me like a friggen book lol

    GL hunn
    jmcwilly

    Answer by jmcwilly at 6:42 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • If he won't go with you, go alone. Your therapist can help you deal with his behavior and maybe he'll come around.
    MommaofH2

    Answer by MommaofH2 at 7:14 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Yeah. start going alone. Just getting out your feelings & having SOMEONE listen who may have good advice for you is a great idea!
    samurai_chica

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:34 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • thanks for who have responded so far. i should add that i'm not interested in divorcing him because i don't believe in divorce. i think that if i divorced him that both of us would be very likely to have the same exact issues with our next spouse, whoever that would be. i know it can probably be fixed but it's just tough when he won't go to counseling plus despite all of this, i still love him. i just know there has to be something we can do to live more in harmony in together. he is still my best friend
    pmg1030

    Comment by pmg1030 (original poster) at 7:45 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Maybe it's your approach that is making him resistant to discussing things with you? Have you tried making a "date" of sorts, when you're not distracted, and asking him how HE feels? Open a dialogue with him, talk about your feelings, without using any "blame" language. Talk with him on how you can work this out together.
    Scuba

    Answer by Scuba at 7:59 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

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