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What do you tell your kid when they ask if they are funny and they aren't?

My Autistic 11-yr old son is way oversensitive and telling him he's not just hurts his feelings, nor do I tell him he is funny. His sense of humor is odd. Not sure what he thinks is funny about what he says or does.

So I just tell him "sometimes you are", which still bugs him cuz he just wants me to tell him what he wants to hear.

 
Zoeyis

Asked by Zoeyis at 7:38 AM on Sep. 27, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 31 (46,808 Credits)
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Answers (8)
  • "Sometimes" is a good answer. It's important to be realistic. When he's not funny, tell him. Let's face it, children on the spectrum struggle socially. We're not doing them any favors by telling them that they're funny when they're not or blaming it on the other children not understanding. It's important to teach honestly instead of encouraging blindly.
    justnancyb

    Answer by justnancyb at 9:50 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • With my son, who is in the spectrum, something like this, i tell him yes he is funny. because having to pick and choose battles, this is one I am not willing to upset the boat with . he is funny to HIM. that is all that really matters.
    BlacksheepSati

    Answer by BlacksheepSati at 7:41 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My dd is aspergers, and I agree about choosing battles. This is such a mild topic I would say to just say yes you are funny to him.

    They have such a hard time with most everything else...why not give them a break at home. Tell him he is funny to family b/c they understand his cool jokes, kids at school dont understand his cool jokes...hahaha!
    mom2twobabes

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 7:51 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • My three year old tells "jokes" that make no sense. I just say that was a good one. Weather they are three or 13 I don't think I would be unkind and say something negative. If it were a problem, and my child's sense of humor kept him from making friends and able to connect with people, I would then find a theraputic social skills group. I would also enroll my child in an outside extra activity - away from school and school peers. Here is the deal, kids see themselves throught the lens of their peers. Not through your eyes. They know you love them. So they search for who they are by what peers think of them. This is called normal child development. If you are not one of the few lucky ones who is accepted by all your peers at school then finding your identity outside of school becomes critical. Gymnastics, karate, swim, guitar classes (in a group setting)...any interest where your child can share an interest with
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:28 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • my 7 y.o. is on the spectrum and for me I will not lie to him. If he is not funny I would tell him...(nicely) ..BUT I would also help him to learn what is funny and what is not. Our kids are going to have a hard enough time "fitting in" as it is. So anything I can do that will help him I do. He may not like what I am saying at first but he will be thankful for my honesty in the long run. I also try to point out the good behaviors in others so my son will be better able to pick up on social cues from others. Maybe take your son to a comedy club or watch comedy shows on TV or teach him some funny jokes or get him a joke book. Explain to him about timing as well, that will also help him in other areas of life as well.
    justgrape723

    Answer by justgrape723 at 8:50 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • Have you tried sitting down with him and swapping jokes? Have a joke a thon till someone pees their pants! If he hears your funny joke. He may add it to his buncha jokes and may start to even out the odd sense of humor. And if not workeast u got a few laughs out of it!
    stepho345

    Answer by stepho345 at 10:00 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • other kids and whom he can connect with. Usually outside activities involve kids from other schools in your area. Which is great because then the stigma of his school persona is not going to follow. A few kids from his school would mean a potential ally and friend at school. So in the mean time, if this were me, I would continue to enjoy my child for trying to connect with me and others, I would assist hime in finding and interest that allows him to express his true self and passion, and I might look at a social skills group if my child is sad and not connecting with peers at school.
    frogdawg

    Answer by frogdawg at 8:31 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

  • This is true, Blacksheep, very true. I just feel like I'm lying to him and making him look like a fool by telling him something I don't feel is true, but you're right. It makes him feel better and isn't worth the negative feelings.

    He comes home from school sad because the other kids tell him he's not funny. I just tell him everyone has a right to their opinion.
    Zoeyis

    Comment by Zoeyis (original poster) at 7:44 AM on Sep. 27, 2010

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